Wednesday, December 28, 2016

On The Road With Al & Ivy: A Homeless Literary Journal


So much the rather thou Celestial light
Shine inward, and the mind through all her powers
Irridiate, there plant eyes, all mist from thence
Purge and disperse, that I may see and tell
Of things invisible to mortal sight."

- Milton (Paradise Lost)

There's a street Ivy and I walk along most mornings, and while it's hardly the weirdest street in the country, it's inhabitants have provided sights that even this jaded wanderer has never seen.

The oddest sight is people who walk their dogs with their car...the dog wanders down along the sidewalk, lightening it's load and the owner drives along side on the one instance, the person is elderly and probably can't keep up and is simply ensuring that fido has the kind of full life it deserves, but in another case, it's a woman in her 30s who even lets the dog frolic in a parking lot under mobile escort. On Christmas morning they pretty much had the parking lot to themselves and it appeared to be a playful time with the dog and car taking turns leading the search for the perfect potty spot. Add a woman who walks her dog in an electric cart every morning and you have a pretty heavy traffic area.

Once after a rain, there was around two dozen snails crossing the sidewalk from the grass to an ivy patch...Ivy and I stood and watched for a few minutes, but while it was clearly a compelling matter of life and death to get to the safety of the bushes, their pace was on a much slower cycle than mine and I made a mental note to see how it all played out the next day, and to watch my karma to avoid coming back as a snail.

Most made it, and the few that didn't failed due to the relative ability nature endowed them with...there was no sign that birds or kids had intervened, which indicated that the people along this street who walk their dogs here had a truly larger picture of life and let the snails have their shot at survival, each according to it's ability.

About half way down the sidewalk, along a large vacant field is a clump of bushes that's home to several feral cats...people from the RV park across the street lay out dry cat food at regular intervals, and it rarely results in a mess, as the felines don't appear to be wasters.

The cycles that play out here have a different sense of time, where even snails aren't messed's a neighborhood where everybody minds their own business and is as close to nature as an urban street can get, as the ecosystem isn't about nice scenery but of the timeless intersection of natural cycles, each to a purpose.

...coming in from the cold...

For most people, night time is when it gets dark and cold. Those who go camping or live outside know that it's more complex than that, and is a cycle where the temperature will drop continuously during the night.

The one thing I didn't realize is that the temperature in a car recedes more thinks that once the car is parked, and the heater is off, that the night temperature will be maybe a few degrees colder than how it feels at 9pm.

What really happens is once the car stops running, the engine is still very hot and can radiate heat like steam pipes...not enough to make the car toasty, but enough to keep the car a few degrees warmer for an hour or two and make the night seem milder than it really is.

I didn't bother with a blanket and even took my shoes off on that mild winter evening in February, and went to sleep early around 10pm...the car cooled off about the same time the temperature outside dropped and I turned into a popsicle in 30 degree cold at two in the morning.

A lot of adjustments and experimentation occurred since then, but the main axiom became get warm and worry about refinements after. That meant some nights with several blankets, jackets and sweaters piled on me at some points...all after a disasterous couple of nights made a sleeping bag seem like the wrong solution (at the time, I know better now).

The problem with a sleeping bag is that it's very bulky and clumsy to use in a car...part of that is adjusting to functioning in the dark and realizing that all the things in the car that look organized during the day get knocked over or spilled at night when flopping around in a sleeping bag.

The reason I say get warm first, then adjust, is that it keeps you from making dumb decisions while trying to get feeling back in your hands and feet; like drinking hot liquids that make you have to to the bathroom in the cold at 3am, drinking booze, or other useless actions.

I've learned to park the car at night differently in winter than in warm the summer, it's best to park where the shade will be in the morning. When it's cold, park where the first rays of the sun will light up the interior and start warming it most cases it'll be warm enough to have to open windows a bit within a half hour, even if it's still freezing outside. Cheaper than running the car to get the heater going or power a cigarette light electric usual, nature provides the simplest solution.

Sleeping in a car is about beating the cold...everything else is a distant second.

...the doors of perception...

I had a sense of curiousity about the homeless scene at first, even amidst all the turmoil and confusion of one's own entrance into that becomes clear why the old timers and other denizens rarely exhibit any curiosity; the struggle of life is best served by prioritizing attention to one's own world, as revelations about the scenery is like most knowledge; it's nice to know but ultimately irrelevant. 

I think the best way to approach homelessness is to recognize that one's immersion will come in stages; from self absorbed fear, confusion, and dispair to a certain level of mastery over the lifestyle that can lead to a freer state of mind where goals feel attainable...a return to the normal struggle of life.

The tricky stage is mastery over the lifestyle. I avoid learning certain skills and the tricks of the trade because one can get so into mastery that it leads to an attraction for the lifestyle, and make no mistake, it has some attractions; not the least of which, and I hear it from a lot of the old timers, that the lifestyle is a kind of freedom from the various boxes that society puts or forces people into. 

It's like the guy who spends decades building a life; with a wife and kids, nice home and career, and then dumps it all for a Harley complete with young girlfriend and a new self centered philosophical outlook on life...he thinks he's now free of the cage a lifetime was spent building with all the trappings of success; until a mid life crisis points them towards hedonism adorned with the trappings of faux liberation...a prison breakout that only turned into the pathetic box of an aged hipster chasing a wasted youth.

A wise person will see homelessness as a process of change that was probably initiated as much by the self as external forces, and realize that the freedom of being out of society's boxes should be embraced, but to be used to come to an understanding about why it happened and to make critical choices about the future in a window that will close the instant that free state becomes baccanalian; most of us aren't fated to become acetic gypsies, so if clarity comes, it's a rare opportunity to chart a future that isn't reentering the downward spiral at a higher point. have to walk that lonesome highway by yourself...

Weighty questions indeed...maybe illumination will come during today's hike, maybe any case, I decide to walk the 2.5 mile route that goes through vast acres of vacant lots, now lush meadows, with a good view of the mountains on all sides. A perfect blank canvas.

Music is a common way to pace a walk that's purely for's often used as an energy that stimulates adrenal production, or to create a rhythm to walk by, which is in essence a march...I use it to provide a soundtrack as Frank Zappa would describe the practice of using music like clothes to color the scenery.

That means as I look out at the mountains on one stretch, I don't automatically hear a pastoral acoustic guitar or the high and lonesome sound of the Appalachian fiddle...thanks to the modern innovation of random shuffle, the magestic panorama of the now green hills can echo with the stately overtones of John Fahey, exude the relaxed joy of Ali Campbell's UB40 reggae, or thunder with the pounding of AC/DC or the Ramones...the mountains don't change much on my walks, at least in the time cycle I live in, but music can give the view a different look each time, and to vary the look of the scenery crosses over into a psychedelic view of the world.

...electric kool aid pioneers...

By that I mean as the psychedelic movement was when it started, at least in it's modern incarnation starting perhaps with Huxley, and later pioneers like Timothy Leary or Ken Kesey.

Of course most of you would immediately think I'm talking about a world seen through kalaidescope colors and immersed in the music of artists like Jimi Hendrix. 

In other words, what Americans tend to do with any sort of spiritual idea, which is to turn it into a revenue producing amusement park.

All you have to do is look at the New Testament, which isn't a perfect record of what Jesus said but clear enough, to realize that Christianity is really a pretty simple creed, and revolutionary for it's time...the notion that one's betters are not really better was, and still is, an outlook that runs totally counter to man's Darwinian nature.

Mankind's solution to live the words of Jesus was to externalize it into a church, with it's own social layers and rituals and concepts borrowed from the ultimate capitalistic system, the Greek religion where worship was essentially a business transaction...Many people even now prefer a God that will reward fidelity in real terms, like winning the lottery or scoring a touchdown, and to let the truly pious (or at least the loudest) be recognized for the achievement of being better than the next person (whose going to hell).

In terms of what the psychedelic movement was trying to do, the focus eventually became a sort of hip hedonism where being stoned in a light show and screwing like rabbits became America, that was a product that sold itself.

Guys like Kesey understood that the shamistic consumption of mind altering manna was hopefully a door to another level of consciousness...that is an aim that goes back through centuries of seekers.

In the east, the early psychedelic movement would have been understood as a mere first step in a journey that could take the West, it generally came to be about externals like clothing, music, or's the virtue, and fault of the American adherence to the seeing is believing mantra.

The whole Summer Of Love thing potentially was a recognition that that mankind can construct boxes and control systems that are simply a web of ideas that a person can walk away from...if they don't mind the appropriation of their peers...once again, a simple idea, but devilishly hard to pull off...

In a way, guys like Kesey or Leary did succeed...though their time is mainly remembered as a stoned sowing of oats, the basic idea of changing one's world by changing consciousness is firmly ingrained, however imperfectly, in modern society.

It may be as small a step as reading a self help book, changing one's hairdo, not staying in a lousy relationship, or quitting work and starting a travel blog, but the one thing that the psychedelic movement did was break the old American mindset of conformity and that's evident even in our fractured political landscape that so many bemoan as a country "divided" against's not a pretty sight, but it's better than a society that exalts conformity, which isn't a political sensibility but philosophical...there was a time that a woman being beaten by her husband would be told to try and be a better wife...the concept that she should walk away from the situation is as much a change in consciousness as any LSD trip ever was.

That's not a small thing...not everyone may like your lifestyle, and society can, at times, go on it's witch hunts, but in an earlier age, people like me could easily have ended up in a debtor prison or shipped off as a indentured servant by my betters...the chaotic range of views about the homeless may hamper efficient action to solve the problem, but it also prevents society from simply seeing us from a single view, like assuming we're just losers, and efficiently disposing of us like the country did with Native Americans.

So, yes, the psychedelic movement turned into nostalgia, but it did change minds and that can't necessarily be said for all the impressive high tech we see today, which may be enevitable as a part of life, but nothing any person needs to accept as a truth.

Freedom is an old idea that pops up regularly and high tech innovations may bring about a new conformity but also the seeds of the rebellion against it.

...back to music... that colors the landscape...that's not a far fetched idea, and the concept goes back to the most basic premise of any consciousness raising doctrine; that everything you need to learn is already inside the mind and simply needs to be seen.

Whether it's a mantra, Acid, sacraments, ritual, or a book, the idea is that it merely opens a door or points your attention to the revelation that's already there.

The flaw, of course, is that it may not be there or that the prophet's words aren't understood because how the language changes over time. 

It's extremely common in Christianity where Jesus' concept of love is mistaken for having to like everybody...that transforms the simple concept of respecting the humanity of others into the nearly impossible task of liking everybody, including jerks.

In Buddhism or in various New Age systems, the concept of denial can become an ever difficult effort to stay in a perpetual bliss state, which can become as weird as being stuck in anger. Science doesn't help by making it all about hormones, which is what drug addiction is all about. 

When I say that music changes my perception of the mountain, it probably means that it brings about different associations from the past and present and I'll be the first to admit that the mountains being there could be purely does make each walk in the outdoors a different experience and is a way of being able to see the world from different viewpoints.

Each of us inhabits a different world, or universe...our interactions are meetings or collisions...a person can believe he's Mickey Mouse, and will only get in trouble if he tries to impose this view on others...for some, there's only one Mickey Mouse, and he ain't it...but the principle is sound, and that ability to make one's own world is what makes a dream possible. If you can see yourself succeeding at something, then it's possible.

Obviously I'm oversimplifying for the sake of brevity and blog pacing, but it explains what I'm doing on an otherwise monotonous hike.

...the hideaway...

On one hike, the music put me into an inquisitive mode about hiding places...that's a strong instinct in kids, cats, and various animals that are low on the food chain...we build forts, form clubs in secret hiding places, and play house.

I remember as a young boy being a member of a secret agent club...there was only two of us, but we had the Man From U.N.C.L.E. guns and a whole slew of secret ways to communicate. We would spend hours after school going on missions, looking for enemy agents, and got very good at spotting secret hiding places that could keep us in stealth mode. 

I'm sure more than a few neighbors wondered what those two kids were doing hiding in this or that tree or behind their tool sheds but a lot of kids learned a lot about themselves in these rich fantasy lives. Same with activities like the Boy Scouts, for example, much of my respect for nature stems from that experience.


On that particular hike I began to notice all the places a backpacker homeless could hide, and quickly assessed whether it was a good lair. 

What was interesting is that the early childhood logic had reversed...the best places to possibly sleep were now the worst. Too obvious, and a likely place to be surprised while sleeping. Certain places were only good if you had a partner or belonged to a group...the best places were the least obvious because the real factor is what everyone else sees, or can't see at night...if it looks good during the day, it'll be seen and possibly visited during the night by others.

All of the various creek beds and flood control ditches and levees were struck off the list...underpasses in this rural area were already inhabited and that meant possible turf issues, and the two bridges had gang markings all over...most of the time these places are safe, but as far as a place to sleep, it's better to play it safe and move closer to groups only after knowing who can be trusted or not. In the long run, it's best to find a group or at least an area where you know the other loners. It's not much different from how to live safely in a car.

I eventually spotted a good was out in the open in a very large vacant field where the wild plants had grown over two feet high, away from the local landmarks like mounds or trees that can attract people who want a windbreak and you could run in all four directions to a place where there were people even at night (it was near a large plant where I could see they had security guards).

Luckily there was no need to use the new hiding place but it was filed away for future reference...most of the panic and fear from a new situation is the unknown...if I ever lost the car, and that's not an unrealistic fear, then in the worst case there was a place I could go till things could be sorted out.

It's a safe place, tucked away in the mind and like a first aid kit, hopefully never used...

It's an odd way to look at a hike, but for me it beats obsessing about how my abs are going to look after the workout...

- Al Handa

Note: The Ivy Corner will be back in January...I'm rethinking the format due to the good response she is getting on Vine, and am considering making it a video segment.

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My intent isn't to become a donor funded homeless blogger, I'd like to do much more...until then, a donation would help Ivy and I to survive and continue efforts (like seeking work, etc) that can bring us out of homelessness as opposed to dropping further down into a transient lifestyle.


  1. Do your best and things are bound to change. Life has good and bad luck. Many millionaires have gone broke. At least you do not have the daily fear that one day you will come home and your house will be burnt down. Although a friend paid $30,000 for his house (cash) and if it burns down, they will have to pay him $96,000. But I have another friend that re-financed his house when it was at its highest (bubble) and he got a lot of cash but it worth a lot less then he pays for it. He works about 55 hours a week and hates working. In Asian cultures they value suffering since it usually leads to good luck.

    An example is a couple from Korea came to the U.S. with no money. They both worked at a 7-11. Instead of renting a nice apartment, they arranged to live in the 7-11 for no rent. In 2 years they bought their own 7-11.

  2. There was a homeless guy that was living in his vehicle. It was around others that were living in their vehicles in a rural area so that made it easier. He complained to God and came back with an answer to it. It is called automatic writing like when it comes from your subconscious mind. He kept doing it and made a book of it. It became a best seller. He wrote 8 books and all were best sellers. The book is called Conversations with God-- all 9 of them.