Special Preview: Vella book "I,Ivy"
Episode 1
I am Ivy, and I belong to the ancient Shitzu tribe known as "Dragon Dogs" to the Chinese and, in my case, "Such A Sweetie" to the rest of the world. My hair is almost all white with peach-colored ears; from what people say, it's a rare coloration and soft to the touch.
I came into the world a few years before my ascension to the status of a master with servant. I was a vivacious young maiden sought after by numerous male suitors.
The first thing many men try to do with a foxy little Shih Tzu is keep 'em barefoot and pregnant to make puppies to sell. They do that to a Shih Tzu and keep her in a cage to boot, which hasn't been done to women since the time of the Prophets; thus, my furry bodice was pressed into the service of menkind and their insensate obsession for commerce.
I was rescued by a woman who, after not being able to convince the police that an illegal puppy farm was operating out of a barber shop, went undercover and posed as a customer who wanted a "teacup" Shih Tzu for the going price of 200.00. After being offered one, she presented the evidence to the cops and instructed them to raid the place or receive a pestilent curse from a formidable "cailleach bán," that is to say, herself.
I, along with my brothers and sisters, were saved and prepared, that is to say, trained to be suitable for adoption in a back room of a Vet's office that had a sign that read "Shitzu U." We were to be taught "social skills" and basic commands like "sit" and "roll over."
The strangest was learning to pee on what looked like a big diaper, which was confusing because our cages at the puppy farm were lined with those. We dogs don't go where we sleep.
My education at Shitzu U began almost immediately after the rescue. I agreed it was necessary because my only job skill is being irresistibly cute and fluffy. While that can take a goddess like me a long way, I don't want to depend on men if the puppy farm indicates such a path's success.
The new adoptee course is like a human job orientation because it teaches us how to be good dogs for our new masters. From what I've heard, having a job is like being a pet, except the boss doesn't have to be nice and give treats.
Some of the skills taught, like obeying commands, seemed counterintuitive, as there's no reason to sit for a treat, and it's unclear what a "bad dog" is.
There soon seemed to be disagreement about that with the humans in charge too, and after a loud barking session, our rescuer, a woman named Jezebel, took over and told us to forget what we'd been taught. Jezebel's course made more sense to a shitzu, like how to chew a piece of cheese without swallowing the pill hidden inside and make a walk last longer by delaying the poo, as that's often the signal to go back inside.
The Vet in charge of the office didn't like our new curriculum, but Jezebel had the fiercer bark, so he had to tuck his tail in and be submissive. He doesn't have a rail, but the look on his face has the same vibe.
She also changed the adoption process; the probation period is now six months to ensure that we babies receive the best care and are only adopted by those who meet her standards. Our studies at Shitzu U now include recognizing the ten danger signs of a bad owner, which are to be promptly reported if recognized.
But more on my education later; it's time to take a nap.
