The Delta Snake Review: Compilation Issue For January 2024

FEBRUARY 2024 COMPILATION ISSUE

Note: All material by Al Handa unless otherwise noted. Contents copyright 2024 by Al Handa. All rights reserved.

IN THIS ISSUE:

The Quitturz Preview: Parts 1-3

A.I. And Art: Part 4 - Some Thoughts About Scraping

Boogie Underground Preparedness Primer: Part 1

How To Find The Perfect Headphones: Parts 2-3

The Quitturz Preview: Parts 1-3

The eBook version of "The Quitturz" will be published in December and it won't be a straight compilation of the current Vella episodes.

The most obvious change is the title. The Vella serial is called "The Quitters," which is a good title, but music groups and other organizations already use it. I figured it was best to change the spelling, and the new title better reflects the 70s Punk sensibility.

There are two significant changes: the chapters have been resequenced, and a parallel story has been inserted.

The Quitters is my best-selling Vella book and works well as serial fiction. Most of that genre's audience reads the story in parts on mobile devices, so using "cliffhangers" to keep them coming back is essential. That doesn't work as well in a regular book (in my opinion).

...a good analogy...

A good analogy about serials and eBooks would be TV shows and movies. A situation comedy or drama generally gives the audience a situation and resolves it in half an hour to an hour. A movie builds the story over a more extended period.

Remember that I'm talking generally; artists always break those rules with great, mediocre, or disastrous results.

...the book...

In the case of The Quitturz, the book starts before the group's first gig. However, I've always felt that episode 4 should have been the book opener as it fully introduces the main character and a few others important to the story.

Also, I introduce a parallel story, a common literary (and cinema) device. Audiences are familiar with the approach, and it's a good way to add some historical context.

The secondary plot, or thread, is introduced in a prologue. The original story outline written in 2021 included characters in the English and NYC Punk scene to make the book about the whole movement.

The problem with the current body of writing on 70s Punk is that it's growing but still oriented towards stars, and most of the details are glamorized or shrouded in mythology. It’d be easy to cite facts that are controversial.

History tends to move slowly towards truth. An event like Custer's Last Stand at the Battle Of Little Big Horn took over a hundred years to understand, and even today, it's not precisely clear how Custer died there.

Even almost fifty years later, much of what you read about the Punk movement is press release quality and fan mythology. The Punk music scene was a combination of groundbreaking artists, poseurs, and industry prospects and pros inserted into the mix to take advantage of the new trend. It'll take a while to sort out what really happened.

My point is that I don't want discussions about how accurate any historical facts are in the book to detract from the story.

I decided it'd be more interesting if the substory was about events in 1987. The prologue depicts the moment Nym finally has another hit after ten years of being called a one-hit-wonder. The story then cuts back to 1977 and intends to show how Nym changed and the Punk scene as a w

By 1987, new musicians had emerged with different artistic sensibilities than the first generation of Punks. 

One of the most profound technological changes was the availability of inexpensive but capable electronic keyboards like the Casios in the early 80s. Serious piano and synth players scoffed, but it put what turned out to be a significant musical instrument in the hands of thousands of young musicians who ended up being part of the 80s music scene.

What happened in the 80s wasn't unique; new, or more specifically, cheaper technology has always changed music. Inexpensive catalog guitars had a profound effect on the 20s Blues scene.

I'll talk more about how technology affected the original Punk movement in the next part.

Part 2: How Technology Changed Punk And Book Notes

I should note that I've oversimplified the historical aspect to give a quick background on how changing Technology affected the main character in the Quitturz book.

Technology wasn't the only factor that changed Punk. The music would have evolved anyway, as it was already splintering into different categories. 

Kids were learning electronic keyboards and other instruments while all this happened in '77, and there were some Pioneers. Early Punk bands such as Wire had already begun moving into electronic music, and electronic drums and percussion were already in the mainstream.

I won't go deep into musicology because I just want to show what my thinking was at the time in '77 and how the rise of techno music struck me.

One other thing that was part of techno was Disco, or more specifically, dance music. That may seem like a weird observation, but at the time, a lot of early techno was dance music, and it was seen as an extension of Disco, which was good or bad, depending on your point of view.

The history of techno gets complicated at this point as different genres evolved, like Rave music, etc., and of course, it is a vibrant scene with EDM and other styles.

The main thing to know is that 80s music became dominated by keyboard players who cut their teeth on inexpensive Casios and Yamahas, and drum machines became affordable. The music didn't come out of nowhere.

Electronic drum machines were first used in rock and soul in the 70s. Sly Stone was the first to have a #1 hit with "Family Affair," but Krautrock group, Can, Miles Davis and Pink Floyd also incorporated the sound.

One thing that changed the course of New Wave music was the Link LM-1 in 1980, which used digital samples used by groups like the Human League, Devo, Gary Numan, and Ric Ocasek.

After that, more models came out from Yamaha, and the now legendary failure turned success, the Roland Tr-808, which used analog instead of samples and was derided as unrealistic sounding. That didn't stop artists like Marvin Gaye from using it in "Sexual Healing" and groups like Africa Bambaataa (and early hip hop).

What made it so pervasive and influential was the unit became cheap and available after its commercial failure. The Fender Jazzmaster guitar became popular with New Wave bands for the same reason; it was a commercial failure, so many young artists could get a Fender quality guitar cheap in pawnshops and the used market.

The ten-year gap between Nym's hits is so the parallel story can cover changes in the 80s. I won't make Nym's story a decade-long pit of despair; no one survives that long without hope. There'll be a lot of ups and downs, a lot of near misses. 

Also, the book can examine the natural, deep appeal of playing music for a living, even in the face of adversity. Hopefully, it's a tale that anyone can relate to. The overwhelming majority of artists won't become famous, after all, and in reading about Nym's struggle and eventual triumph, one will see that there's a deeper reason a person chooses to create.

That concept is nothing new, the book will simply be my take on it.

Part 3: What is a “Godfather Of Punk”?

We’ve all heard the term, and after over almost fifty years it's taken its rightful place in the Pantheon of cool marketing buzzwords along side of “Legendary” and “Vinyl.”

In the early days of Punk rock, most of the established Rock stars were either bewildered or contemptuous of this new music, though the healing effects of time have made the term Godfather of Punk a suitable laurel to wear in the noble quest to sell back catalogues to the Tik Tok generation and vinyl nostalgics.

I won't name examples of this benign hypocrisy, as we should be kind to those who suffered an onset of geriatric resentment over the tasteless lack of respect exhibited by certain Punk upstarts who I also won't name. 

I mean, after 47 years, who cares?

Well, I guess, this author does, as he has a book based on the 1977 Punk Movement coming out in early 2025, and his best selling Vella serial is about a musician from that time.

Also, there was a time when the main route to stardom was through the media. There were no streaming sites where an artist could go directly to distribution, or an Internet where one could give themselves any title they liked. There was a time in the 70s where having the media call you a Godfather, Legend or even a competent musician made a marketing difference.

So, let's examine the origins of the term Godfather Of Punk. The first question would be, what is a Godfather of Punk?

If you Google it, the answer could be confusing as an unscientific count would put the number of those holding the title at around 1,234,567, give or take.

A Frenchman once said during the American Revolution that there were so many Colonels that it was safe to address any unknown Officer by that rank. So it is with the Godfather of Punk Term; let's just assume that in marketing terms, everybody is one until the threshold for factual accuracy on the Internet reaches 5%.

For the sake of modesty, I exclude myself as one of the horde of Punk Progenitors. My career as a Punk Rocker was even shorter than the Sex Pistols, though longer than Linda Ronstadt or Tom Petty, both of whom sensibly adopted and discarded the moniker for as brief a time as possible.

In the 1977 San Francisco scene, in the Mabuhay Gardens, Iggy Pop was the one everybody talked about the most for his music and as an inspiration. The two songs that were often played over the PA before and after shows were “I Wanna Be Your Dog,” and “Lust For Life.” I Wasn't there 24/7 so I’m talking about what I heard.

If you read articles written back then about Punk, the main thing is that it was an attitude. Sure, there was the ripped T-shirts (yeah, I wore one when playing), spiked hair (guilty) and cool sunglasses (I still hate the d-weed who stole my cool retro shades off my amp), but if you look at a list of first generation bands, most didn’t look like that.

That smarty mouth Punk attitude was, not surprisingly, a pose. I remember being instructed by my band leader to never smile and act like a jerk whenever a camera was present. Even the rock press knew this, but went along because it was more fun than taking pictures of “smiling happy people” or conducting interviews about music being about Love or other concepts that got in the way of the primary business of selling records.

So, going back earlier? There were rebellious acts in the early 70s, but who truly shocked people and caused widespread disgust and fervent cult adoration? 

Certainly you’d have to say David Bowie, I'm not sure there was anyone close to being as outre in the mid-70s. Even the Revolution Now 60s crowd was weirded out, though we now know it was because the Love Generation were closet sexists whose latent manhood were threatened by this suggestive and sexual ambivalent English Dandy. [Citation needed; the blogger’s account is suspect as he claims to actually remember that time as opposed to being in a drug or alcohol haze]

David Bowie’s music and act had one key message that resonated with Punks; that you be anything and create your own look. That wasn’t a unique point of view, every generation went through a stage of challenging convention.

On a personal level, the band that opened the door to the future was Roxy Music in the early 70s. Seeing them live began the process where by 1977 I actively sought out Punk music. It was at a show at Winterland; Roxy was the opener. It was their first SF appearance and the band still has Brian Eno as the synth/keyboard player. After that, my musical palette widened.

I’ll go deeper into Roxy and the Glam Rock era in Part 4. The March 2023 Delta Snake Review has an article about the Top Ten Glam Rock albums that will be of interest also.

A.I. And Art: Part 4 - Some Thoughts About Scraping

One of the main concerns about A.I. is "scraping," which, for humans, is a legal activity unless the acquired knowledge is used to create works that violate copyright laws or steal intellectual property.

The objections overlook one fact that people scrape all the time, and while much of it is legal, such as creating derivative works, some isn't, like plagiarizing original works or tech piracy of electronic media 

If I take a Devil's Advocate position, the amount of thievery, uh, I mean scraping, that occurs in the Entertainment World would land thousands of people in jail if it were any other industry.

Theft or unauthorized use of copyrighted material is common practice at the street level or not seen as harmful by many in the real world.

For example, without permission, many "creators" on a particular social media site routinely use commercial music, images, voices, movie excerpts, and media footage in their videos. This practice is considered acceptable because it seems like a common practice, or OK if people add a disclaimer stating that they don't own the rights.

My point isn't that people are evil or immoral. If an A.I. Bot is doing unauthorized or unethical scraping, it's always at the direction of a human who thinks it's OK. The notion that the Bot will steal on its own is just plausible deniability by its creator.

The fears or reality of intellectual property theft by technology didn't start with A.I. People worried that capable graphics programs like Photoshop would increase forgeries and deep fakes, and the music industry considered the inexpensive tape recorder an invitation to bootlegging. That harm did come to pass, but both weren't legislated out of existence because people believe the technology to have more benefit than harm.

It's also about access and availability to the tech. No one worried about the automobile until the inexpensive Ford Model T., which led to the demise of industries based on horse transportation. People are killed by automobiles every year, but the general consensus is that the good outweighs the bad.

Another way to put it is that Capitalism brings about change (and profits) that always cost some (or many) people their livelihoods. The process looks so brutal because, thanks to modern media and the Internet, we see the human suffering it causes.

Again, I'm not judging the morality of the process; it's just what happened historically.

The fact that we see all this controversy in the media is a good thing. Historically, a new technology is implemented as a fait accompli. In the old days, self-driving cars would have been kept on the streets, causing havoc. Instead, the widespread reports of media and Internet problems caused enough outcry to stop the public beta test, as recently happened in San Francisco.

A.I. is already here. The real issue is whether this new evolution will be as cruel a process as America's Westward Expansion in the 1800s or implemented responsibly.

Artists often have to overcome significant obstacles to create. Most will deal with problems with A.I. and, in most cases, harness its power. 

A.I. isn't a new God. Bots still need to be guided and educated by humans, so they'll only be as good or valuable as programmed.

One final note: The advent of Motor Cars didn't bring about the extinction of horses. Technology won't make true artists obsolete.

B.U. DISASTER PREPAREDNESS PRIMER: PART ONE 

BY IVY

Note: Reprint from a 2015 satiric article by the late Professor Ivy of Shitzu U. All of the facts in this article meet the most stringent 2023  Internet standards of inaccuracy.

There's been a lot of talk about economic crashes, the breakdown of society, civil unrest, Global Warming, giant meteors, and the final battle with Satan by at least two major religions.

Realistically, unless you own a tank, you're screwed, but B.U. Spokesdog begs to differ (dogs are always begging) and offers these easy-to-do tips to survive any disaster:

FOOD:

1. Keep an ample supply of food. 

Survivalist businesses offer expensive foods in high-end puncture-proof packages, but that's just another way American business makes you pay for packaging. 

Instead, use that money to buy a massive amount of canned beans. I mean cases of it. Ignore the fart jokes by those who'll be paying 50.00 for an apple from black marketers later on. Canned beans require no added water, which will be in short supply anyway, and any objections to a monotonous diet can be overcome by the same method people use on dogs and cats to force them to eat crappy dry cereal food:

Just don't eat for a week, and when you look around and see that there's no other food around and, McDonalds is closed due to societal breakdown and your money is worthless, then canned beans will taste like steak.

This method has worked on countless pissed-off dogs and cats, so if they can eat little brown nuggets that look like dry turds because some Vet says it's better for their teeth, then you can eat beans. Don't worry about your teeth; there won't be dentist offices anyway, most being looted for radioactive X-ray isotopes by terrorists to make dirty bombs.

2. Don't worry about water

Global Warming will melt the icecaps, flood most of the coastal areas, and provide heavily dilluted sea water, which will be safe to drink for at least a week before kidney failure. It will also be an excellent time to stock up on sushi with all the fish trapped inland.

In Part 2, Ivy will show you how to function without paper money or ATMs.

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are by a little white dog and reflect her opinions only and not those of B.U., X, Shih Tzu's in general, or God, which is dog spelled backwards.

How To Find The Perfect Headphones - Part 2

The thing to remember about earphones is that they simply deliver the sound from your device to your ears. It's a hardware device, so parts like the speakers, Bluetooth, wires, and ergonomics make a difference up to a certain point. However, headphones are mostly only as good as the device or sound system.

So, before spending a lot on earphones, consider what you will use as the music source. If it's mainly your cellphone, then it's not just about cost but also what type. 

Plus, there are intangibles. If a Beats or Apple set is what you want, it's simply a matter of getting the money for it. It'll generally sound great if it's a brand you like or is in style. The fact is, mojo is important.

Undoubtedly, different brands of the same type of headphones can sound different. That's due to both the choice of components and ergonomics. 

Ergonomics is important. The sound is improved if the headset is comfortable and sits on or in the ears correctly.

You can try an experiment with lighter headphones or buds. Play your music, cup your hands over your ears, and seal in the sound. You'll notice an increase in bass and volume. 

The best ergonomic design comfortably gets as much of the sound as possible into your ears. That's why most earbuds include two or three sets of different size ear pads to ensure a good fit.

You probably already know that stuff. I'm just covering it to ensure the next set of info makes sense.

If you're buying a lighter type like buds, bone conductors, or sports-type headphones for use on the phone, you'll probably buy within a budget. Most headphones in the 20.00 to 40.00 range will do fine for Spotify, Amazon, or Apple sites.

Those music sites stream mp3-level music or lossless (CD-type quality), and you can improve the sound by setting the app to the maximum rate of quality. 

Check if you have it set to max quality before buying new headphones. You may find that the improved sound makes it unnecessary to upgrade.

It may not be set to higher levels by default to save on data charges on your phone plan. I wouldn't set it to maximum quality unless you have an unlimited data plan. If you're using wifi, then that's not a problem.

You have two choices if you're playing MP3 files on your phone and want it to sound better. 

Get an mp3 player (best to get one in the 40.00 to 60.00 range and with a touch screen). Even a relatively inexpensive player can outperform many phones. You may find your earphones sound better using a decent-quality mp3 unit.

The other choice is downloading a sound equalizer like Poweramp or Audify and learning to use it. An equalizer is much less complicated than a video game. I'm used to those, so it's easy to say, but Poweramp, for example, has presets that emulate various headphone brands like Sony. You can adjust the tone with simple dials or go Rambo and use the parametric equalizer.  

This type of software is pretty cheap, too, and lets you create playlists, etc. The experience is pretty similar to an iPod.

So, if you've done all that (or don't want to bother with it) and still want to upgrade your headphones or get a type better suited to your lifestyle, then you'll want to read Part 3.

I'll cover the various types, from sports types, bone conducting, lightweights that cover or cup your ear, buds, studio, and so on. I've used all of those and can give you an accurate survey of what's available.

How To Find The Perfect Earphones - Part 3

It would require a small book to cover the types of headphones available now fully. It's not like the 70s or 80s, where there might have been a half dozen types if that.

I won't make the usual lists of every type, one for each price range or comparisons of brands. There are plenty of those online; most are only marginally beneficial to the average consumer. Most of the real-world factors are subjective or based on ergonomics.

Besides, I'm sure most of you have realized that this series is more about how to listen to music than hardware. Hardware quality gets more vital as you get into the higher priced stuff and in the recording studio, but not for leisure use.

If you want the best sound, just get the best-wired set in the desired price range.

The perfect set will have good ergonomics and decent sound for the environment (in which it'll be used). Where you'll be listening will determine what type to get.

I'll list by environment as much as by type.

If it will stay plugged in, like when sitting, get a good wired set for gaming and music. For audiobooks, same thing. Once you start moving indoors or out, then there are various alternatives.

Ear Buds:

There are different types, but I'm talking about the small ones that fit snugly in each ear (sometimes called true wireless) or are connected by a thin cable with a small controller with the on/off button, volume control, etc.

Those have wires, but "wireless" means no cable connecting it to the device.

Bluetooth buds deliver good sound if fitted correctly but can have reception problems depending on quality and compatibility with the device, which is generally a phone or mp3 player.

If the fit isn't perfect, you will have less sound, notably bass, and the buds will move about or fall out of your ear. That can be a big deal if that happens on a hike, at a job site, or while riding a bike or skating.

I quit using this type after having to backtrack once too often to find one on a trail. Plus, if I'm going through the trouble of listening to music outdoors, things like cutting out degrade the experience (for me).

I have two sets like that but prefer the older types connected by wire. Those have better Bluetooth reception (generally), and I prefer the controls to be easy to reach on the cable than messing with tiny buttons on the buds.

Since fit affects sound and comfort, most manufacturers include different-sized ear pads. If you read online articles about fits, the advice can be contradictory. Some advise a deep fit, etc., but the main thing is to ensure a tight fit. 

That tight fit is essential, but it does affect ergonomics. The buds can become uncomfortable after a while. It all depends on your ears, of course.

The advantages are super lightweight, immersive music experience, and easy storage.

The disadvantages include lack of awareness of the environment due to immersion, more chance of ear damage due to volume, and poor ergonomics (one of my ears can't securely hold a bud unless it's twisted in).

Sound quality is relative if there's noise in the environment. Your hearing will also degrade (usually temporarily) after listening for a while due to volume. That's why DJs playing vinyl discs will change the needle cartridge from cheap to high grade over an evening to compensate.

Ear Buds are generally part of the "sports" category, including various lightweight designs, from bone-conducting, helmet or hat speakers to extra light types similar to the 80s Walkman style.

The main things that sports headphones have in common are some level of waterproofing to protect against rain or sweat, extra neck or ear clips to prevent falling off, and other safety features.

It's the most diverse and interesting of the categories. Being the gadget geek, I've pretty much tried them all. I'll cover these in part 4.

AVAILABLE ON KINDLE UNLIMTED

AVAILABLE ON KINDLE UNLIMTED

Here's info on some of my Vella books:

The Quitturz (title not changed on ad yet)

https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09PC3L6PC

I, Ivy

 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0B3RCBT4D

The Forbidden Lost Gospels Of Murgatroyde

 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BJ2TW4P1

The Boogie Underground Think Tank: How To Survive The End Of Civilization

 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BG6LNXTG

The Adventures Of Queen Khleopahtra: Ruler Of Egypt, Time Traveler, and Literary Detective

 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BJC122G7

Please check out and listen to my music on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music and other music sites. Please add any cuts you like to your playlists!

The Delta Snake Review: A Music And Arts Blog - Early February Issue

IN THIS ISSUE:

- THE BLUES, RAP, AND ChatGPT - PART ONE

- LIES, MORE LIES, AND MUSIC HISTORY…AND STREAMING

- INSTRUMENT REVIEW: DONNER DLH-003 16 STRING LYRE HARP

- A SURVEY OF BUDGET INSTRUMENTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

- SPECIAL PREVIEW: EPISODE 2 OF “I, IVY” ON VELLA, TITLED “MY GAELIC GARDIAN,

  JEZEBEL”

- SHORT TAKES

All content unless noted otherwise by Al Handa (deltasnake@yahoo.com)

The Blues, Rap, And ChatGPT: Part One

I'm sure most of you have heard about the new ChatGPT and the various views, ranging from embarrassingly uncritical raves to it being a third column for the AI conquerors who'll destroy humankind. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle; there's no doubt it'll be misused, but from my initial exposure to it, it looks like the next wave in search engines. It also has the feel of a paradigm shift and could profoundly change the tech landscape.

I know it's new, but think it will be a great quick and dirty tool for research tasks. However, if you're aiming to write a definitive essay on a subject above the level of regular Internet web content, then using a standard search engine to follow up on every reference is still the best way. It's best to do that anyway to doublecheck the Chatbot's output as it does express opinions and interpretations and hedges a lot. It made some statements that aren't correct and gives kinda sorta maybe nice sounding non-answers for conclusions.

The fact that it occasionally gives out false information makes it Internet-ready, so I'm not sure what the fuss is about. It lies less than humans and doesn't project insufferable fake virtue. However, as the software improves, I imagine it'll soon create text that makes it indistinguishable from politicians and Hollywood  Publicity Departments. The wrong facts here and there are harmless in an early draft; a good writer should check sources anyway and is assumed to have a point of view, so the Chatbot doesn't need to provide one.

I've been working on a piece about the connection between blues, particularly from the 20s to early Rap, and decided to see what the Chatbot would say. 

I'm going to present the answers the Chatbot gave to my questions, and after each one, I'll comment on the provided info. One thing, unless you want bland High School report style writing, this Chatbot won't give you a piece that can be cut and pasted onto a pro-level web page. It'll give you a good rough draft and do some of the heavy lifting.

The idea of using pre-generated copy for news and features isn't new. Newspapers got most of their national and international content from UPI or AP stories which were rewritten or edited by a reporter if not run straight from the feed. Most news organizations who still employ human beings will, if not already, use AI to generate on-time copy and maybe change a few words to make it read better. Political bias can be easily programmed in, so the transition should be seamless.

My initial point and I stress that it's a specific observation, is that there are similarities between early blues from the 20s and 70s rap music that originated from the African American street scene and the Sugerhill Label. I'll give you the Chatbot answer in bold italic, followed by my observations, any corrections, and my own opinion. Interestingly, my Grammarly software asserted that the Chatbot's output had several errors (which I didn't correct).

Question: Tell me about the similarities between Rap music and Blues.

"Rap music and blues share several similarities in terms of their origins and themes. Both genres developed from African American communities, with blues emerging in the late 19th and early 20th centuries and rap emerging in the 1970s. Both genres often deal with themes of struggle, hardship, and the experiences of marginalized communities. Additionally, both rap and blues often rely heavily on the use of improvisation and storytelling in their lyrics. Some notable similarities include the use of call-and-response and the emphasis on the performer's personal experiences and emotions."

That's an excellent standard answer that fits the modern view of both genres. Still, as someone who's listened to Blues since my teen years, I would say that the first half of the answer reflects a bias that Blues is purely about struggle and oppression, which is a view that emerged in the 60s when the demographic of the performers and audience began to include whites. That's a nuanced observation, and I stress that my view is strictly my opinion. The main reason the definition changed is starting from the 60s, the audience demographic began to shift, and most of the studies and documentation about the Blues were written by white scholars, writers, and record collectors. 

Most of those attempts to create a historical record were balanced. In other words, while there is no doubt that African Americans are and were oppressed, that didn't result in one-dimensional art. The Blues was a music form encompassing the full spectrum of entertainment and social expression. The range is vast enough that any opinion about the music can be both right and wrong and subject to dispute or the need to add scope.

I remember writing an article for my Delta Snake Review in the 80s, which listed all the subjects covered by Blues songs in the 20s and 30s and found well over a hundred. The themes ranged from having a good time, lousy time, booze, drugs, historical events, animals, philosophy, politics, sociology, religion, and the full range of sexual preferences. More than a few of the female singers were bi or gay. Unfortunately, most of these themes were bowdlerized out of the canon in the mainstream 60s reissues of blues records (though not in the small label releases).

The 20-30s Blues was also about rebellion and often characterized as "Devil Music" by the mainstream church, and as said in a previous blog entry, that was a theme that came up in classic blues songs like Robert Johnson's Hellhound On My Trail.

A short overview of the Blues would be; that it was part of the more extensive African American Music and Entertainment culture, and the Blues artists were primarily from rural areas like the Mississippi Delta (though every region had a distinctive style). While these artists were performing and recording, there was also Jazz from Louis Armstrong (which continued with artists like Duke Ellington) and other artists. Back then, a "Blues" was a particular type of song or instrumental that used a specific scale. In technical terms, a standard eight-note scale with the third and seventh notes flatted to create a "minor" feel. It was a common number in Jazz and didn't sound very similar to Delta Blues slide or ragtime.

To understand what happened to Blues and how it led to rock and roll, one has to look at how African American popular music evolved, from Blues and Trad Jazz to BeBop, Big Band, to Soul and Rap. That's a general description and omits dozens of developments like Funk, Hendrix-influenced Black Rock and Funk, and of course, Blues which became racially diverse.

The link between early Blues and Rap was that both involved vocal improvisation over what Rap artists call a "beat." In the case of the Blues, that meant a "vamp" or rhythmic music on a guitar that the singer sang over. It was a popular form in impromptu concerts in Jook Joints and clubs and a form of dance music. African Americans, like everybody else, enjoyed entertainment. The blues were also supposed to make you feel good too.

The sixties were a vital era for Blues. Here's was Chatbot said,

Question: How did the blues change in the 60s with white artists and audiences coming in

"In the 60s, the blues underwent significant changes as white artists and audiences became more involved in the genre. This led to a broader interpretation and commercialization of the blues, resulting in a fusion of blues with other genres such as rock and roll. The blues became more electrified and the use of amplified instruments became more prevalent. Additionally, the blues began to be performed for larger and more diverse audiences, which influenced the way the music was performed and the lyrics that were written. This period marked the beginning of blues-rock and marked a departure from traditional rural blues styles."

That's a good answer and perfect for a piece with space or word restrictions. The answer is more complex than that, of course. I would add:

The 60s was a significant era for Blues. So much of the urban Black audience had moved on to R&B and Soul (and Jazz, etc.), which was as natural an evolution as whites moving on from Folk and Big Band, and it became mainly a club-level scene that was still full of vigor and innovative artists. That split the Blues into two main camps; from the hard-edged electric music flourishing in places like Chicago to the older artists from the 20s-30s who were beginning to be "rediscovered" in Folk Festivals and small label recordings. That "rediscovery" label must have annoyed more than a few African Americans, I would think, as the more correct term would be an introduction to a new generation or revival. We'll get more into that in Part 2.

The usual historical line is that the English discovered the Blues and created their own brand that reintroduced the music to America. That's true, but it's more complicated than that. Among the earliest blues that made it to England via old records was 20s jug band music by artists like Gus Cannon, which helped start the skiffle craze, where young men who later formed groups like the Beatles, and got early exposure to music and performing. After that came the stream of other blues and jazz records, and artists like Muddy Waters found an enthusiastic audience for their music.

That, plus the emergence of Elvis in the 50s, changed the course of blues and R&B in America, and that history is out of the scope of my article.

Obviously, I didn't ask the Bot to write an entire article. That's my job as a writer, but exploring how this new tool can assist has been interesting. It could be useful to publications that want to generate a lot of content without dealing with writers or deadlines and want to crank out copy on trending subjects. It also looks suitable for creating bio and introductory sections for the beginning and end of articles and interviews (if the subject doesn't provide one), and straight news items.

So, Chatbot agrees there's a connection, and in Part 2, we'll see what it says about early Rap.

Lies, More Lies, and Music History…And Streaming

History is about what happened,  Science is about what is, Spirituality is about what should be, and the music industry is about selling product.

Historians generally take about a hundred years to sort out the data to develop a balanced view. It's a democratic process where a particular idea can become fact if the preponderance of the evidence is that a majority of opinion says it's so. The process is even more flawed because most people only know what they've read or heard.

Needless to say, in any Democracy, what the truth is will always be in dispute, and fortunately, like in the case of professional sports or rock music, the multitude of conflicting, insightful, or immature opinions rarely cause any real harm to society and the impassioned debates are a good way to blow off steam or give insecure egos a much-needed boost.

A good example is the American Civil War, a subject still causing heated debates of varying accuracy between people who earned the full range of A to F grades on the subject in school. Of course, we could also include the suspect level of scholarship by those who cheat in exams and utilize A.I. Bots to write term papers, but this essay isn't an attack on the American Way.

Back to the example...The Civil War was initially viewed as a crusade to end slavery by one side and a defense of slavery and states rights by the other. There was no Internet, so the thousands of supporting or dissenting opinions were known only to Historians with access to the source documents.

Thanks to the Internet, we now know that most agree it was a Civil War between the North and South, but also that the latter region had its own brand of rock and roll, complete with fans who desecrate their flag by using it as sweatbands, patches to cover holes in pants, and beach towels to sit on just like Northerners do with Old Glory. 

Note: I just gave a single example to represent universal truth.

In other words, history hasn't changed much. It's just that all of the true, weird, suspect, and silly stuff is accessible to all, and that's the way it should be.

Disclaimer: The above example is an oversimplification due to the constraints of creating content without the use of A.I., and the mission of The Delta Snake Review is to entertain modern attention spans with only the pertinent facts before the writer himself loses interest.

Music history is the same intricate web of truth, mythology, trivia, and B.S.; a good example is the rise and fall of 60s rock. 

As said in previous blogs, the single was the favored vehicle for popular commercial Music. The problem was that the emphasis on songs left too much money in the consumer's pockets, which filled American Capitalists with longing and concern for the detrimental effect unspent cash has on yacht makers and the caviar industry.

The obvious solution, the sale of long-playing records, was a hard sell because it forced the consumer to buy a set of songs to get the one they wanted. That was money better spent on station wagons, color T.V.s, and trips to amusement parks.

The 60s saw the rise of the longer format, which continued through the CD era until the advent of digital streaming.

In the decades since that turbulent and profitable time, the body of data has grown bigger than a hippo's butt in an economy-class seat, and it would take an expert to sift through the murky river of facts. 

That's a thankless task that the Delta Snake Review can handle by assigning its expert who has easily met the Internet requirement of having a free email address to qualify as a Historian.

The reason that the Music Industry was able to make L.P.s the main product was simple; they got consumers to regard those as the new single, much as age 60 is the new 40, or avocado toast is the new hot dog. 

Rock artists quickly came on board once they realized that the change would make them rich and express themselves without the fascist restrictions of Top 40 singles. The idea of passive income without having to tour was as compelling as poop to hungry flies.

The L.P.s were marketed as "Concept Albums," "Personal Statements," "Monumental Works," "Song Cycles," "Heavy Trip, Man," and other means of simplifying the melancholy drudgery of choice.

To be fair, these milestones of commercial success were created by artists with a variety of motives that ranged from integrity, artistic vision, personal conviction, passion, educating the public, ending the war, getting B.J.s from young women, free coke, insulation from criminal charges, sweating a lot, wearing makeup, being cool, and so on.

In other words, people were persuaded to buy the more expensive product without complaint, and no rock star would kick a wad of C Notes out of his bed, man.

That Golden Age ended with streaming, giving consumers the power to pick and choose individual songs again and create playlists that aren't influenced by business considerations.

The Vinyl Revival has helped carry on the old-school aesthetic of buying in bulk at premium prices, and that's good also. Anything that adds to choice is good, even if Record Execs and some Artists might resent having to buy their drugs and drive themselves. 

However, while acknowledging the process is brutal to artists who put their hearts and soul into it, it's not anymore so than competition within the industry.

The critical thing to remember is that Music was there before the industry and will be there after. It's said in sports that no one is bigger than the game, and it's valid for Music. If there were no recordings, people would still create it. After streaming, Music will still be there.

The artists and industry Execs who don't like what streaming is doing to their livelihood brought it on themselves by ignoring the complaints of consumers. When listeners got a chance to take Music back, they did. They're not just thieves or people who don't care about artists. It's the industry's job to make customers want and respect the product.

Music is itself. It's not just a product to buy or sell.

If the Beatles catalog disappeared, it would be a loss, but people would just make more Music. As far as quality, tell parents watching their child playing at a recital that its inferior entertainment. They're watching Music being made, and that's always the real joy.

Whether such music is good or bad is a different subject and is only relevant if money is involved.

INSTRUMENT REVIEW: DONNER DLH-003 16 STRING LYRE HARP

The Lyre Harp is one of the oldest instruments and is still used to play "parlor" or front room-type music. The reason is that it's an easy instrument to play (once you get the hang of tuning it) and, like similar instruments like the zither, is ideal for accompanying vocals.

Also, and this is a technical observation that will make sense after playing a lyre harp, the two-octave range (16 notes) gives the player a wide range of sound as the music played can be based on modal or note structures instead of chords. 

The Legendary Miles Davis changed the direction of jazz in the late 60s by exploring modal concepts, which significantly influenced 60s free-form rock.

However, even a 16-string lyre can produce plenty of chords once the player is familiar with it.

Most of that background info isn't necessary except to assure the potential buyer that a lyre harp is an actual instrument in areas where people think serious instruments like guitars have to cost over a thousand dollars. Most people in other parts of the world consider a hundred-dollar harp a bit pricey.

The primary purpose of this type of Lyre is to make music. It provides joy and satisfaction that even the finest records can't match (it's a case of apples and oranges). It also connects the player to centuries of tradition from when audiences in villages listened to primitive harps up through the Celtic Age. Of course, that's a simplification but true.

Although it's played differently, the Lyre is similar to the harmonica, another inexpensive music maker that found popularity in Folk and Country and is a primary soloing instrument in the Blues.

Both have in common that the primary type is tuned to whole notes, which in simple terms, means that it's impossible to play a wrong note. It's similar to playing only the white keys on a piano or tuning a guitar to a chord. 

That's an excellent quality in a beginner instrument. My first instrument as a child was the violin, which I played for about six years. It was tough to play even whole notes correctly, and I saw more than one kid quit playing one because of the difficulty in learning to play even simple melodies. 

I mention the violin because it, along with wood peg banjos, gave me experience in tuning string instruments with a 1:1 tuning ratio. That is to say, there are no gears to make a turn of the tuning peg and not break the string if it's cranked over even a single rotation.

That's one aspect a prospective player should be aware of before tuning a lyre for the first time. Suppose one watches YouTube videos about this instrument. In that case, it's obvious, and the very slight turns are arguably beginner friendly because the notes move up and down in direct relation to the turn of the peg. 

However, having to crank it over a few times to get up to tune isn't necessarily easier. Beginning guitarists always break strings with geared pegs, and hundreds of years later, no one has seriously tried to make violins with geared pegs (though not necessarily a bad idea. Sitars with such pegs are available).

That said, this Donner Lyre does provide extra strings in case a beginner treats it like an Apple Computer and starts just cranking away without learning it first. After the first broken string, the tendency to over-tune generally stops. I've played string instruments all my life and still break a string now and then though I'm now experienced enough to blame it on a defect in manufacturing.

I should note that this review presents information in a different order than usual. It's written as a beginner might see it as opposed to a sales pitch. It's an instrument that will enable you to play tuneful music right from the start, as long as proper attention is paid to setup and tuning. 

The most immediate application will be Celtic Harp Music. The Lyre may not have the same range or richness in tone, but one could say those are considerations that are more relevant to serious players who intend to play advanced pieces or live. Only a harmonica is easier for something that can be left around to be picked up and played for fun.

All beginners will start with a standard whole note scale, and when plucked at random (or seen on YouTube), my point that there'll be no wrong notes will be more obvious.

As far as a point for the future, it is a tuned instrument. Just change the tuning if you want to explore scales with "flatted" or "sharp" notes.

The tuning videos on YouTube are good, but I'd recommend using a decent electronic tuner to make fine adjustments. A beginner's ear won't detect if a note is a bit sharp or flat so it won't be a problem at first, but as the skill level increases, it can make you think you're playing out of tune. If that happens, congratulate yourself; your skill level is improving. 

You can use a clip-on type on the bridge, but my workhorse has always been an ancient Korg CA-30 Chromatic Tuner, which can also tune by sound. It's over 20 years old, hasn't needed a battery change, and the casing doesn't turn to a white sticky paste like cheap modern clip-on seems to do. It can even make tuning sounds, but I never use that.

So, time for unboxing. In the case of the Donner, you get a good enough gig bag, extra steel strings, a tuning wrench (try not to lose it, it's convenient), and light gauge picks.

There are differences between a Celtic-style harp with steel or nylon strings. That's a tonal difference. One should watch videos and listen to both types of Celtic harp music. It's a good idea to do that because one might not produce the sound in your head (believe me, it's there, it's why everyone buys an instrument).

Though a steel string has more highs, how to produce a clear tone is different than nylon. A beginner tends to pluck too hard, creating a scratchy or pinging tone. Instead, start off softly, and let your fingernails slide smoothly over the string, which in the higher notes are very tight and don't need much pressure to produce good time.

This type of harp is quieter, so plucking to try and fill a room with sound won't work at first. But, as you improve and your finger works more surely, the volume will increase. Again, check out the videos to see if getting one with an onboard amplifier is a preferred option.

Note: I refer to videos a lot because music is best taught by listening.

The Donner is a decently priced lyre harp, and the 16 strings have a nice range. More than adequate for a beginner or someone like me who likes adding different low-cost sounds to my instrument collection and enjoys Celtic Music.

The tone is very good if played correctly. It's good enough to record with if you are familiar with mastering software like the free Audify program that can add reverb and other effects. Not every advanced player with a full-sized Celtic Harp may agree, but you can't worry about stuff like that as a novice.

The Donner is a good option if you want to make music at an affordable price. As a matter of disclosure, I got mine as a gift after casually mentioning my intent to get one, but after playing it, I can see that it'd have been a good buy, that is to say, an instrument I'd actually use.

Regarding good beginner instruments considered "serious" around the world, check out the following article, which gives a brief survey of what's out there.

A SURVEY OF BUDGET INSTRUMENTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

Note: Unless noted otherwise, all of the instruments shown were pulled off the Amazon site and easily available. There aren’t any obscure items in this survey.

It's not a criticism to say that Americans think that instruments have to be expensive; it's just one of our quirks. But if the country couldn't afford multi-million dollar fighter jets, it would quickly find a low-cost version to do the same job.

Many in the world music community still play what Americans consider folk instruments. While many stars don't play concerts on the scale of a Taylor Swift or Rolling Stones, artists like Zamfir developed a considerable audience playing the Pan-Flute, which is easy to make and play music people still enjoy listening to.

In other words, talent will always count more than hardware.

Tell a Hispanic that bongos are a cheap toy, and he'll treat those as fightin' words, and a large part of Islamic music is vocals accompanied by percussion. Native American Folk uses percussion and flutes, and a significant form of traditional Japanese music is the solo flute (which includes Shakuhachi).

I remember watching a legendary Jazz Drummer from Brazil named Aierto who demonstrated various percussion instruments like rattles, etc., which struck the audience as an assortment of party noise makers. His wife, the great Flora Purim, then began to sing a slow Brazilian song in almost total darkness, and as the song progressed, each of the percussion instruments came into play and sounded musical.

For the Americans in the audience, it was a revelation, and it drew a standing ovation, but I'm sure for someone from South America, it was just music as usual.

Some of the most esteemed African Folk were made with cheap guitars and percussion sounds by someone tapping a soda pop bottle with a spoon (also used in some old 20s Blues numbers). In old-school Cajun and Zydeco, the percussion is a triangle, which sounds so perfect that it's hard to imagine any other instrument being used to keep the beat. 

I once watched a YouTube video by Daniela Mercury, a star in world music, and her band included percussion players who just used shakers or rattles. A rock band might have the lead singer do that now and then, but in South America, it is part of the group's sound.

The usual advice Americans get is to pick up a cheap guitar or recorder (which can be a serious Medieval, classical instrument) and learn simple chords and melodies. Still, suppose your aim is simply personal pleasure. In that case, the world offers economical alternatives that produce fun music and maybe even connect you to a culture that's in your background or one you admire. Not everyone needs to play rock and roll, which is just a concept and is played in various forms worldwide.

So, with a bit of comment for each one, here's a small list of world instruments that might fit the bill.

Percussion

It's the oldest form of music and is still played worldwide. In America, people still do it in drum circles and for spiritual growth (and the fun of whacking out a beat). In addition, more than a few rock drummers are familiar with percussion and play these as a second instrument.

The one drawback for Americans is the lack of melody (though a good conga player would disagree) and the fact that rhythm section players often don't get the same respect as guitarists or singers. Just play along with records; it'll sound like you're in the band.

The most common percussion instrument in the U.S. is probably the Conga, as even rock bands have used those. Unfortunately, the American talent for making things expensive has made even economy models rather pricey. However, if you're ever in a Latin American country, these can be bought at a lower price.

The ones worth looking at are bongos. There's the image of a drunk surfer or beatnik banging away at one, but if you check out Latin American music videos, it's clear that most good bands have a top-notch bongo man, and for a good reason; along with timbales, it adds a lot of sharp top end and drive to the rhythm section.

When you watch Latin or Caribbean music on video, you'll see the bongo player is having a great time. That's fun you can have, too, even if it's just playing along with a record.

Verdict: Bongo Man or Woman is a cool nickname.

Another drum on the other side of the spectrum is the Irish Bodhran, similar to other "frame' style drums like Native American or Middle Eastern types. It has struts in the back, which you use to hold it, and press a finger or two against the back of the skin to control the tone. The one catch is that the stick, or “beater” is held like a pencil and strikes the head in a sweeping motion that takes practice to master. However, I leaned it just watching a video so that means anyone can. It can be played with the hand also.

Experts recommend tunable types, but those are expensive, and tuning a drum head is more of a professional application. For fun, just press the head with a finger and adjust the tone that way. The best way to deal with someone spoiling your fun by pointing out more expensive is to tune them out (I'm talking to you, America).

Note: Djimbes here sold by African Imports.

African Djembes and "talking drums" are worth looking into. Talking drums can be more expensive as those are rarer, but again, check those out on YouTube and see what you think. The Djimbe does have a hand technique but it’s easy to learn. The talking drum is multi-voices, as the ropes are squeezed to tighten the head to produce different tones.

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All of the above suggestions are welcome at drum circles, too, so group fun is also an option. Drum music has never disappeared because it has spiritual benefits, and rhythm is always good for the soul.

Verdict: Imagine the drum head is the face of someone you hate, and the smile people see will be attributed to the spiritual effects of the ancient spirits called forth by the healing of rhythm.

Heading over to the other side of the world, for less than a hundred, one can get a small two-stringed Chinese bowed instrument commonly used in their folk music. Of course, it might appeal more to Asians, as the scale system is different, but it's a nice start.

Verdict: No one will know you're playing out of tune, possibly even you. That makes it an ideal beginner instrument.

There is the small-necked Saz from Turkey. For a little over a hundred, with more advanced ones staring at two hundred. That's an excellent scale-up versus the usual advice to buy a thousand-dollar guitar. I've owned one, and it's easy to play and can be used the same way a dulcimer is used in Western-style Folk. 

I remember when it was sold. A young teenage woman came with her boyfriend and said she was interested because it seemed like a fun, easy instrument. The guy seemed a little bemused until she tried it out and, within minutes, started picking out notes. His expression changed to surprise, then a big smile as a simple but nice melody came out of the Saz. She was, of course, ecstatic, and rightly so. She was right; it was a fun and easy instrument to play. 

I used the proceeds to buy a used Les Paul, and frankly, I think she got the better end of the deal.

Verdict: Play a Saz and be the only one on your block (or city) to own one.

The most famous Folk instrument that most Americans haven't heard of is the dulcimer, shown in the picture being played by Jean Richie, one of the legendary Appalachian musicians. Most folk artists know about this one. Other famous artists who’ve played one include Joni Mitchell. The appeal is that it's stayed mostly true to its roots as an affordable pro-level instrument often hand-made by the player.

It's a "drone" type instrument, and it's tuned so that there are no wrong notes. So anything you play will be in tune. It's primarily used to accompany vocals, but Jean Ritchie showed that it could be a solo instrument. 

Verdict: Play the dulcimer, and no man can call you a coward.

The most glamorous cheapie in the U.S. is probably the harmonica, which in the Blues is referred to as a "harp." The standard in-mouth harp is Hohner, but those have gotten pricey, so I've pictured a cheap Fender brand that's just a little over ten dollars. Good old Fender.

Besides the American way of doing things, the top end has gotten expensive because in professional use, the reeds inside wear out or break, and not all are designed to let the player take it apart and replace the reeds. For the casual player, a ten-dollar cheapie will last for years (if taken care of). The appeal for the novice is like most others, it's an instrument one can play immediately, and every note will be correct. It can be used for all kinds of music, and in the blues, a good harp player gets the same respect as a guitar player. Legends like Little Walter and Charlie Musselwhite all led bands. 

Verdict: Play the harp, and you're joining a tradition. After that, it costs a lot more.

Another ancient instrument is the flute, and while the best-made are costly, playable ones can be had for less than fifteen dollars. As wind instruments, there are three types; the vertical Shakuhachi, the regular classical flute, and the whistle type like the Irish or ocarinas.

The ocarina has been played on two rock hits; the Troggs "Wild Thing" and Mellencamp's "R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A." The Peruvian versions here are among the cheapest and coolest looking. The bottom has two holes that are covered by the thumbs. That's a big deal, as that makes key changes possible and dozens of note combinations. It looks like a toy but has a bigger range than a standard harmonica.

Verdict: Very cute decorative pieces if your drive doesn't match your desire.

The Shakuhachi is a vertical flute, which means you blow into it like a soda bottle at a party, except the music doesn't sound like a fart, and by varying the wind pressure, different tones, and moods can be achieved. 

Verdict: Very popular with New Age music fans, and unlike many other instruments, the fewer notes, the better. The Clint Eastwood of instruments.

The Irish tin whistle has always been inexpensive but challenging to play correctly. If played wrong, that clear tone heard on Celtic records sounds more like a shriek. However, practice can solve that problem.

Verdict: If you lose interest in these flutes, you're only out the price of a pizza, but if that bothers you, perhaps the vision to play the music of the Ancient Clan Tribes was never there.

The last is the Pan Flute, which is a bunch of different-length tubes you blow into vertically, like the Shakuhachi. As said earlier, Zamfir became a huge star playing one, and it's still a popular instrument in countries like Peru. The most famous U.S. example is Simon And Garfunkel's "El Condor Pass," a hit off the "Bridge Over Troubled Waters Album."

Verdict: Play a Pan Flute, and you'll get all the chicks. Tell them you know Zamfir.

There's a lot more, but the intent was to give you a little survey of what's out there. Of course, the big guitar companies, with the laudable exception of Fender with their cheap harp, want to sell you a vision of music on premium-priced instruments, but a lot of people in the world like to make music at low cost, and there's always a place for that.

I didn't mention ukuleles because those are well-known. That instrument probably saved a lot of guitar stores during the craze because it brought in many new customers. A lot. Every store I went to quickly stocked up on ukuleles and didn't regret it. The new customers kept coming back, and some moved up to guitars. 

It's a fine instrument, and one of my most treasured possessions is a charango, a Peruvian/Bolivian instrument that's similar (but is more complex to tune). You can hear my charango piece on YouTube, Spotify, Amazon, Apple, and other services. It's called "A Charango Is Born In The Andes." The title is significant, but I'll explain the meaning in a future article on the charango, which has a fascinating and revolutionary history.

 SPECIAL PREVIEW: REPRINT OF EPISODE TWO OF “I, IVY”

TITLE: MY GAELIC GUARDIAN, JEZEBEL

Link to free episodes:  https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0B3RCBT4D

My education at Shitzu University began when my rescuer, a tiny Irish fireball with lots of freckles and bright red hair that smelled like wet dog fur, mentored me in the ways of the world to prepare me for adoption.

My savior went by the name of Jezebel "because any woman remembered by name in the history books must have been a righteous butt-kicker who didn't take any crap from men and a gentle person who liked animals."

Jezebel, or as she was called by the Vet, "Alright, you don't have to shout," made sure that all of us Shih Tzus got first-class treatment, although the good doctor who called himself "I'd have done it anyway without your nagging" always seemed to look relieved when she left.

I'll give him credit; he seemed to really want to bite her leg but managed to restrain that impulse. That would be an admirable quality in a dog.

Jezebel addresses the Vet by many names, but the most common was "Stan." He was an older man, still very skinny, which would make him around twelve years old. Jezzy said his body defies gravity as the beer belly goes up into the brain instead of the stomach, whatever that means, though I think it means that his hair is long like a woman.

Jezebel would come by every day with tasty treats and talk to us. She said lots of people wanted to adopt us and vowed that we would all go to perfect homes. Any owner not meeting the standard would get "a taste of the whip." I'm not sure what that means, but it must be like putting them on a leash.

She was present at the interview with Al, who got the first chance to adopt because he was willing to come in the afternoon. The Vet said before being scolded, "We have a dozen other dogs besides these Shih Tzus; it's first come, first served."

Jezzy silenced him with an ancient Gaelic war cry, then whispered to me, "He's sort of right, but I'll stay with you and make sure this Al is worthy." The Vet, who now calls himself "Fine, but I make the final decision," didn't seem happy about her joining the interview, but since he couldn't bark louder, he had no choice.

As Al walked into the lobby, Jezebel hissed, "The guy wears sandals like some hippy; if I can smell nasty feet, this interview is over."

The Vet sniffed, "I was a hippie in the 60s," and the Irish Maid retorted, "I rest my case." They then flashed the biggest smiles ever seen from two people who wanted to claw each other to death and greeted Al.

I heard them because Shih Tzu bodies are 30% ears with a range of around ten miles.

We're also 30% nose, so I had already sized up his foot bouquet. It smells less than one day old, indicating an obsessive bather (once a month is typical for canines). I smell baby powder in the sandals, so his poop must come out the toes or heel. On first sniff, he seems OK.

I don't understand why humans dread foot odor. We identify you by your unique tootsie aroma. It's not like we can float in the air and look you in the eye. We're low to the ground and see shoes and feet. I've learned that humans prefer to smell like clean paper towels or bar soap.

The doctor spoke first, ignoring the eye-rolling by Jezzie, "Al, thank you for coming in. This is Ivy. Ivy, this is Al. He is interested in becoming your new master!"

I gave the Jezebel response to suitors who wished to put me in bondage and began to growl. Jezzy smiled and said as she petted me, "That's being a good hard to get Bitch." I looked at her with a puzzled expression, and she purred, "It's OK for us girls to use the word."

She began to ask Al questions from a fifty-item checklist created for prospective dog owners, assuring him that weren't any wrong answers though a pattern of sociopathic abuse or exploitation of animals could be detected using this innovative diagnostic tool. Stan left the room muttering, "This shit's gonna take a while," and indicated that he was going to the back room for coffee.

After the screening a noticeably relieved Al was permitted to pet his potential Empress, as the Gaelic Warrior Queen described me.

Al went down on one knee and began to pet me. "That's good," observed the Irish Protector, "You lowered yourself to her level, that's a sign of respect. The Vet rolled his eyes, and the words "You mean bowing to your majesty" slipped out. The resulting eye contact indicated that a duel to the death would occur after the interview.

Walking me outside on a leash was part of the interview to let Al and I get acquainted. As we walked, both were watching from the window. Stan had an anxious expression while the Celtic "Man Whisperer" studied the scene to catch any little flaw in character. There was some elbowing going on, but I think it's a sign that love/hate was in the air for that combative pair.

When we came back in, Stan asked, "Well, how did it go? Do you think you'd like to adopt Ivy?"

Al replied, "Yes, I think Ivy and I would be good together. I think the growl was because of her past experiences, but I think she'll learn to trust me."

Jezebel said, "The adoption contract specifies that you must keep her groomed. I can recommend a good groomer."

Al shook his head, "Thanks, but I'll take care of that myself."

Her eyes narrowed, "What do you mean?"

"I'm agreeing to take care of Ivy, so I'll bathe and cut her hair myself."

That seemed to soften the crusty Celtic, and she said, "I think you'd do it too. I have no objection to this adoption at this time."

Stan flashed a smile that seemed a bit too big, "As the one with final say, I'm pleased to say that you're Ivy's new owner."

Jezebel bought me a new emerald green leash and collar set with sparkly red spots and, while putting it on me, whispered, "I hope you'll be happy in your forever home. Train him well and if he mistreats you, leave a message at the biggest tree near your new home, and an avenging angel will appear and neuter him."

So, under the all-seeing protection of my Seraph, I began a new life as Al's Tiarna and faithful companion.

End of Episode two

I mentioned charangos. Here’s a picture of mine: It’s a black and white image that was used a few years ago in this blog. The main difference between this and a Uke is the five double coursed strings, and the middle two are tuned to an octave like a twelve string guitar, the rest are unison or the sane note. Because it’s a native made instrument it’s difficult to play but it has a harp-like tone that similar instruments don’t have. I’ve played models that cost almost a thousand but always ended up sticking with this one. I’ll take more about in the next issue in late February.

SOME PREVIEWS OF MY VELLA BOOKS ON AMAZON:

The Boogie Underground Think Tank: How To Survive The End Of Civilization Update

 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BG6LNXTG

This one is a revival of an old humor column I ran in my old "Delta Snake Blues News" publication in the 90s and 2000s. The slant is about survival in the upcoming hard times, but it really will be topical and cover subjects that are offbeat but relevant. The next one coming in a few days will be "How To Shop For The Perfect Expert," which obviously will be a humorous commentary on the use of experts in general.

The ebook “On The Road With Al & Ivy: The Anthology Volume 1 2016-2018 is now on Kindle Unlimited!

Please check out and listen to my music on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music and other music sites. Please add any cuts you like to your playlists!