Showing posts with label homeless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homeless. Show all posts

Sunday, July 6, 2025

On The Road With Al and Ivy Book 1 is now live on Kindle Unlimited

On The Road With Al & Ivy - July 6

Topic: Book 1: Becoming A Face is now live on Kindle Unlimited and free promotion 


Free Promotion Monday 7/7 to Tuesday 7/8

On The Road With Al & Ivy: Book One: Becoming A Face is now live on KU and will be free this coming Monday and Tuesday. The price will be .99 for three weeks until the regular price is set.

Kindle Unlimited readers can download the eBook or read it online for free.

Book Overview

On The Road With Al & Ivy is a planned trilogy of novels that are loosely based on the author's life in the San Francisco Bay homeless scene in 2016. His travels took him and Ivy to Northern California, Marin County, San Francisco, East Bay, Silicon Valley, Gilroy, Monterrey Peninsula, and Fresno.

The On The Road With Al & Ivy novels are about a group of people in 2016, with all of their virtues and flaws, dealing with a catastrophic situation with resilience and making both good and bad choices to survive. The novel depicts various subcultures and situations that are rarely covered in the media and gives the reader a realistic picture of the homeless population. That means everything, from the violence and drug use that's often sensationalized in the media, back stories that humanize the stereotypes, the sense of community as strong as any in the mainstream, and even the rough sense of humor that many have about their situation.

The author's main intent is to put a human face on the homeless population. It's always been there and Book 1 begins that process.


#BookTwitter #kindleunlimited
#homeless #shitzu #books #silicon valley #fiction #blog
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FGWKK19K




Wednesday, May 15, 2024

On The Road With Al and Ivy: Update on Podcast. Changing back to the original blog format



Update on Podcast: Changing back to the original blog format

There's one more change to the podcast format, which is in many of the descriptions of the show, the old title of the blog is going to be used again. It will read "On The Road With Al & Ivy: A Literary Homeless Chronicle."

The reason is that it will allow me to incorporate material from my ebook and past blog entries that relate to homelessness. In other words, the podcast is simply going back to the old blog format that started in 2016 which covered literary and cultural issues occasionally from a homeless point of view.

I may sound naive or clueless when I say that the main reason I had moved to a more literary format was that I actually thought the homeless issue was going to either go away or be reduced by the influx of help and money that was occurring even back in 2016. 

There have been huge sums of money spent and the creation of many local and government services, yet the problem has been getting worse. The reasons are probably complex, but most of you reading this instinctively know what the basic problem is when millions are spent on a problem that just keeps getting bigger.

Another example is the pictures I'm seeing in the media of the present San Francisco homeless scene that have surprised me. 

In 2016, it was becoming dangerous for any homeless who owned a car to go to that city, but that was in a relatively narrow area. There were some tent cities starting up along the freeway overpasses but nothing like what is seen in the media now.

Also, the dominant media images seem to center around drug users and the mentally ill homeless and I still regularly see comments that "people choose to be homeless" or that "they're all druggies" and so on. There's a reason for that and I've discussed it in the blog and the eBook.

There are media stories now that make my blood boil that I thought would be balanced out by more diverse stories and analyses. I also discussed "Van Life" videos in a past blog entry. There's some potentially dangerous advice being given by vloggers, though I'm also seeing a pendulum swing in that fad with more stories coming out about the downside of Van Life.

I'm not going to start preaching or detail grand solutions to the homeless problem. The scene is too diverse for that. The point of the old blog was to add another voice, and that's still the best course.

I confess to feeling ambivalent about the podcast after publishing the first episode. A return to the old Blog format will give future Al & Ivy blog entries and the Podcast a warmer, more human sensibility.

Oddly enough, the delay in uploading a second episode was due to an illness that included laryngitis, so the course correction won't come as a radical change. I should be able to have a new second episode up in a few days once my voice is fully back to normal.

- Al Handa

On The Road With Al & Ivy on Spotify:

Apple Podcast:

#podcast #literature #homeless #blog 









Tuesday, April 18, 2023

On The Road With Al And Ivy - April 2023



“All that Mankind has done, thought, gained or been: it is lying as in magic preservation in the pages of books. They are the chosen possession of men.”

- Thomas Carlyle (Heroes, Hero-Worship And The Heroic In History - 1841)



THE PASSION OF JOAN OF ARC

I recently watched the 1928 film, The Passion Of Joan Of Arc. I first saw it in 1994 on DVD that featured a new oratorio composed by Richard Einhorn called "Voices Of Light" and performed by Anonymous 4 (a group) and various soloists. The film is making the rounds on sites like Freevee (free with commercials), and after viewing the beginning, I was drawn in by Maria Falconetti's shattering portrayal of The Maid. By coincidence, I was rereading W.P. Barrett's 1932 translation of the French and Latin transcripts of Jeanne D'Arc'd trial for heresy and apostasy.


The movie simplifies the trial for dramatic reasons. However, what is remarkable is that she was tried by a group of sixty French politicians, lawyers, and ambassadors who were considered skilled and knowledgeable in the intricacies of the legal and theological hearings. It was an unprecedented show of political force against a young peasant woman. Almost all had suffered political or financial damage from her military successes and were avowed enemies. Most were or had political and economic ties to the English.


The life and achievements of Joan Of Arc are mainly controversial outside of France, like those who diagnose the mental illness of historical figures. She has her critics there, but on the whole, the people of France revere her as a national hero and Saint. I think Jeanne was arguably saner than some American heroes whose mental state was never as scrutinized as closely and for such a sustained period.


She is one of history's most written-about women, and the documentation is extensive. So, my aim here is to riff on a few particular points and offer some observations and opinions that might give readers a different perspective on this remarkable person.


Note: Treat my words as coffee house rambling on the subject and think what you want about it.


There have been different portrayals of Jeanne in film, from girlish and devout to impulsively energetic. My guess is that she might have been all of those things. She was a young woman during an era when one of the few things that would make the nobility take notice of a peasant was an unusual religious personality, not just a vision, but charisma. In this case, it happened to be religious, but the clergy and theologians who examined her judged her as sincere.


Not only that, but these men and the nobles, including the one Jeanne would crown as King, Charles VII, saw something in her that inspired the trust to put her in command of the French Army to relieve the City of Orleans under siege by the English.


I've read opinions that imply that she was a figurehead used merely to take advantage of her popularity with the common people and that the Generals did it all. In fairness, a noble or even a King would more often than not have to depend on professionals to handle the operational end. Undoubtedly, a 19-year-old woman wouldn't know the logistics and organization to run an Army. It's evident that on a tactical level, they needed to run things. 


However, the war wasn't going so well when she arrived. The relief of Orleans was bogged down, and the men were demoralized. It probably seemed like another more of the same after almost a hundred years of unsuccessful fighting against the English.


Also, though many people might think otherwise, France wasn't a country in the sense we know it now. It was like Germany, a collection of smaller countries that a King needed the support of to hold the title. The French Army was a typical medieval gathering of nobles who brought men at arms with them and, like many high-born men, probably weren't well-liked by the ordinary people who were perhaps shaken down or robbed by them at one time or another.




…galvanizing…


If Joan of Arc did anything, she galvanized the soldiers, and the relief of Orleans was a military success. Her next campaign resulted in another victory at Patay and the unopposed occupation of Reims, where Charles was crowned King. Unfortunately, the new King didn't give her much support after his coronation. She was captured leading a volunteer company of soldiers to relieve Compiegne, which was under siege by the Burgundians (who sold her to the English).


She was still a national hero to many of the French, and jealousy may explain why Charles didn't make an effort to save her. In those times, a nobleman could be freed after a ransom was paid, but the trial proceeded without any political or military attempt to stop it. It's doubtful that the English would have sold her back to Charles anyway. They thought she must have been a witch (and other disreputable terms) to have reversed a long period of English dominance.


Also, staging such a large trial attests to her popularity. If she had been an unknown peasant, they would have just executed her or given her to the soldiers to do what they wished. Clearly, it was essential to them to establish that she was a dangerous heretic and mollify the English who hated her. It was a textbook witch trial, unlike the modern perception that such affairs are the chaotic rage of bumpkins. Witch trials were a spectacle put on by the so-called betters, in this case, using a sham trial to put a legitimate face on a state-sponsored execution.


…not a lunatic…


The Barrett translation of the trial transcripts attests to the immense effort to legitimize the inevitable execution. The records, which her enemies kept, don't show her to have been a lunatic or witch. She appears to have been a remarkably strong teenager who was put under extreme pressure by a large tribunal court and abused and tormented by the guards in her cell.


It would be hard to create a mental picture of her ordeal without resorting to modern caricatures, though most women could imagine being mansplained and abused by a large group of males who had the power of life or death over her. It would have been understandable if she had broken down under the relentless pressure.


That's where this 1928 movie comes in. The silent film has minimal dialogue text drawn from the trial transcripts. It's all about faces and personalities; after seeing it, it's hard to imagine how a talking film would have improved on it. The main image of the early part of the movie is the constant barrage of questions and accusations by the tribunal, all delivered with threats and extreme aggression, and Jeanne's self-possession fluctuating between confidence buoyed by spiritual certainty and earthly fears of death and confusion caused by the manipulative questioning.


…close up…


The Director, Carl Theodor Dryer, chose to primarily use close-ups so the emotions that passed through the faces of Jeanne and her inquisitors are plain to see. In the case of the judges, there isn't a steady buildup like a modern court film, but a sustained rage at a young woman who upended their lucrative collaboration with the English. You see the constant desire to punish Jeanne on their faces.


The face of the actress, Renee Jeanne Falconetti, dominates the film. In the trial segments, she's on the screen most of the time, and her ability to express varied reactions and emotions is remarkable. You feel that this could have been how Joan of Arc behaved in the trial.


The crisis is when they finally manipulate and pressure her into recanting the claim that she received her mission from God. Falconetti does an impressive job of showing that this act took away the spiritual refuge and strength that had sustained her during the trial and broke her spirit. When she decides to recant that agreement, you see her strength coming back, and even some of her enemies feel grudging respect.


That recanting seals her fate, and she's condemned to be burned at the stake.


This moment is where the movie leaves the trial transcript and moves into a historical account of her execution, which I've never seen done better by any later films about her.




I'll give a spoiler alert here. I'm going to discuss the ending.


The execution begins with a poignant, very human scene. Jeanne tells God that she accepts her fate but asks him not to let her suffer too long. She looks very young in this scene, and the way she asks shows a feminine side for the first time. Once her fate is determined, she seemingly sheds her epic role on earth and becomes the young woman she was before these great events became her life. It's probably the most affecting and human scene in the movie. We're no longer seeing the future Saint or great military commander but Jeanne, the 19-year-old woman. It makes the following scene all the more shattering but also makes you admire the courage and faith that transformed her ordinary life into mythology.


The film shows the grief of the peasants and clergy who believe in her. When the fire is lit, the depiction of the following pandemonium is a stunning cinematic feat. As she begins to die, a man exclaims that the English are burning a Saint, and the soldiers begin to attack the now-aroused crowd. The smoke from the fire gets thicker and starts to cover the frenetic action of the riot, and a haunting image of peasants and soldiers falling into a pit looks like people falling into a smoke-filled underworld. It's a shattering image that's all the wilder because it's not CGI; it's like a chaotic tumbling into Hell.


Instead of showing Jeanne screaming, she reveals her extreme pain and succumbs, and the image of her limp body as a silhouette in the smoke and rioting is heartbreaking but is described as her soul leaving the body and becoming the soul of France.


Jeanne D'Arc's final victory was over herself. By reasserting her faith, she chose death but died whole.





UPDATE ON ON THE ROAD WITH AL & IVY: THE ANTHOLOGY VOL. 1 (2016-2018)


I’ll be pulling this ebook off Kindle Unlimited sometime this month and will resume free distribution on other sites. The main reason, besides shifting the focus to wider readership is that this Anthology will come out as a revised version sometime this year. I’ve obtained most of the social media posts from this period and will insert edited versions into the book in chronological order. This adds the day to day observations and activities which will add continuity and many of the blog entries will make more sense in context. Also, I’ll add new commentary to make this volume feel like a chronological account of the period. Until then, it makes sense to make this version free to increase interest in the new edition.





BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE DELTA SNAKE REVIEW ON THIS SAME SITE




Here's info on some of my Vella books:




The Quitters


https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09PC3L6PC



I, Ivy


 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0B3RCBT4D



The Forbidden Lost Gospels Of Murgatroyde


 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BJ2TW4P1



The Boogie Underground Think Tank: How To Survive The End Of Civilization


 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BG6LNXTG


The Adventures Of Queen Khleopahtra: Ruler Of Egypt, Time Traveler, and Literary Detective


 https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BJC122G7


Please check out and listen to my music on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music and other music sites. Please add any cuts you like to your playlists!

Friday, December 9, 2022

On The Road With Al And Ivy: A Literary Homeless Blog - Dec. 2022



"Who has not known a journey to be over and dead before the traveler returns? The reverse is also true: many a trip continues long after movement in time and space have ceased."

- John Steinbeck (Travels With Charley 1962)

THREE BOOKS: Steinbeck's Travels With Charley, Robert Graves' Wife To Mr. Milton, and Boswell's Life Of Samuel Johnson.

I kept reading books in 2016; thanks to my eReaders, it was possible to be a homeless guy with a big library. Three books influenced my own work, "On The Road With Al & Ivy: The Novel (Book 1)," in different ways. 

I talked about John Steinbeck's Travels With Charley in an earlier blog entry that discussed classics relating to homelessness and my opinion, as it still is now, that it was a travelogue that would relate to those who've chosen the Van or RV life.

Travelogues have been around for a long time. The great ones are more than just a description of places and people; they tend to be meditations about life and philosophy.

I intended to revisit Steinbeck's book as it profoundly influenced my decision to write a book about homelessness, even if it didn't directly relate to the current state of the problem. He was not only a great writer but had a sensibility that combined populist notions with an intellectual underpinning that you often don't see these days. 

Also, he wrote without fear; the writing goes where he wants it to go, asks questions, and examines answers without concern for approval or whether the discussion is even on the right track (for others). That results in thoughts that now seem profound, even if it was just an exploratory digression or comment at the time. 

The quote that leads this essay off is one example of that. It struck me at the time as deep, and six years down the line, it expresses my feelings about the homeless period in 2016 and how words can express it.

…a return to Salinas…

One of the key chapters was his visit to Salinas, California. It was his hometown and the setting for some of his most famous works. It had changed a lot, and I'd imagine what it looks like now would make it seem like a colony on Mars or something. 

In book two of my series, my shift to Salinas was also a homecoming. I was a Korean War baby, and my father married my mother, a Japanese national in Tokyo, and after his enlistment, he shipped back to the States with his wife and one-year-old child, which was me.

They settled in Salinas. It goes without saying that I don't remember a lick of that time and only know it through photographs, but my return was just as evocative as Steinbeck's, albeit for different reasons.

My interest in the book is how it affected my perception of the journey in 2016 and his astute observations about displacement and what a journey is. That evoked many memories from the past. 

…government…

Steinbeck's attitude towards Government that it didn't care much for individuals in the book was relevant to my experience. There was plenty of talk about services and how people assumed that the homeless could go here or there to get help, which was sort of kinda maybe true.

The fact is, most of the services are generally swamped, can't keep up with demand, and put most applicants on waiting lists (which is encouraged as it gives the agency a case for more funding). Except in the case of Country Services, which can at least do something, most agencies were a non-factor for most of the people I met.

My accounts of life in homeless shelters will run counter to the public perception. The passages might be similar to what you hear on social media, but I made it a point not to use any material from those sources.

The reason is that I had firsthand accounts. It was better to use that source material and limit it to the actual shelters talked about so it wouldn't be interpreted as a general description of the system. Novel or not, it's essential to keep certain aspects of a book as authentic (and fair) as possible.

Some cities, like San Francisco, had more funding, but I, along with others, avoided those scenes. The homeless there were a different demographic, and the money that flowed into the services there often attracted drug dealers and other criminal organizations.

Scenes like SF are what the media mainly sees and writes about for one crucial reason; those homeless can't hide and have nowhere to go. Down in the South Bay, most of those lucky enough to have vehicles did their best to stay out of sight.

The reason for avoiding publicity is described in all three books of this series; once the media covers a camp or enclave, it comes under attack within days. Citizens start complaining to the police and city governments, who generally know about it but know that the numbers are now too big to do anything more than shift the problem elsewhere (and anger nearby cities). Any crackdown will scatter the inhabitants.



…the old school solution…

In the olden days, the Government could just put transients in covered wagons and point them west to buy, steal or squat on Mexican or Native American land or put them to work building railroads. Of course, there's nowhere to go now; every inch of soil in America is private or public property and liability laws severely punish anyone who'd let the homeless on it.

…back to the media…

But back to the media...most of the coverage of the homeless problem is well-intentioned, but some aren't. Some of the stories help developers and business owners by identifying gatherings that become the focus of a wide array of public and private parties.

Like any situation, the truth is complex, and if one sticks to the surface issues, then it's all about public safety and such things. To be fair, there are subcultures within the homeless population that don't help matters by their behavior. However, to be fair again, some so-called troublemakers can't help it due to mental illness. That's a book in itself.

…the reflection in the mirror…

I've made one artistic decision that could be criticized: my books will only reflect what I experienced or heard firsthand. There isn't going to be any attempt to make these volumes a definitive account of the homeless problem in this country. 

It's only going to describe the scene in those areas covered in the book. Several times, I've made the point that the homeless population is diverse and how it behaves depends on local factors. For example, a transient in the Midwest has to live differently than one in California.

On the other hand, historical, sociological, and even philosophical factors create commonalities. The best way to make a book that a person in Chicago can relate to is to tell my own story and trust that readers, both homeless and not, can see the underlying connections and similarities.

Simply preaching or explaining can't do that. I know that because there's plenty of that going on, and it's never helped, and the problem has only worsened over time.

…how it does relate…

John Steinbeck's Travels With Charley was a work that, on the surface, doesn't relate to the current homeless problem. But, as Jack London astutely pointed out in his writing on the homeless, a wealthy writer who can walk away from that life isn't truly going to understand the problem.

Like London's, Steinbeck's book was about a wealthy sightseer's adventures. However, a writer with his genius will add a layer of insight that can deeply affect and influence another, who, in my case, read it while being homeless, was resigned to that life, and was wondering if he was mentally ill like many of the commentators and experts were saying the chronic homeless are.

…finding identity…

Travels With Charley was one of the books that examined my self-image, that is, what I thought I was and what my real self was. Somewhere in that confusing time, that and other books helped bring about the realization that one of my primary identities was as a writer. 

Steinbeck's book was conceived as a journal of a road trip and veered towards a novel because, as a great writer, he saw a lot of detail and nuance that had to go into the work. Being a writer isn't just about cranking out words; the best ones see things that others can't or won't, much like a painter or musician does. There's more to a painting or song than meets the eye.

One change I directly credit to Steinbeck; my WIP at the time was an unfinished epic-style poem about a migrant musician who traveled to Chicago in the postwar era. I realized that the poems depicted the cycle of my own life at the time and that the work needed to be based on real life and, other than the fictionalization necessary in a novel, shouldn't be a stylized intellectualized work.

In other words, once the situation became clear, my art had to be about what I saw and felt. Steinbeck's early books were about people he knew or saw, not literary creations from research or just made up. There's a lot of truth, and that's why his books survive as classics.



Graves' Wife To Mr. Milton and Boswell's The Life Of Samuel Johnson:

These two works also directly influenced my book, though not due to the subject matter. Graves' book was a fictional biography of the great poet and writer Milton who wrote "Paradise Lost," an epic poem written in free verse that described Satan's expulsion from Heaven. The portrayal of the rebellious Angel and, later in the work, of Eve ran counter to popular images at the time.

What was interesting about the book was that Milton was described through his wife's eyes. That allowed Graves to add a more personal view of the subject than a conventional historical biography. As a result, one could add more details about Milton's personality and flaws that might be considered irrelevant to a portrait of the man.

That approach also moves the work into the realm of a novel which can, like his book "I, Claudius," read as a gossipy tract that's perhaps short on historical accuracy but does a better job of making Milton appear human, almost like you're in the room with him.



…the ultimate…

Boswell's biography of Samuel Johnson was one of the ultimate biographies from a firsthand account. The author was a close friend and recorded an epic amount of Johnson's conversations during an era when dinner and party chats were an art form. That's not a lost art, that sort of thing later evolved into literary salon groups or scenes like Andy Warhol's The Factory.

The Life Of Samuel Johnson was unique because it was an eyewitness account from someone who knew and admired the subject, who trusted the biographer enough to allow full access and not attempt to filter his behavior or conversations. Plus, great men tend to have thicker skins.

That's not a small thing. These days most biographies are written in a tightly controlled environment, spawning a sub-genre of unauthorized works that purport to contain what the subject doesn't want the public to see. They say the truth is always somewhere in the middle, a territory rarely explored by the two bio styles.

Boswell's book was two things that are rare in this day and age; a book about a person who was interesting (in his era at least) and possessed an intellect that produced intelligent observations that were worth reading. Of course, Johnson's remarks could provoke extremes of admiration or anger, and he probably would have been canceled by the modern internet. But, given his personality, he probably would have been amused by that.

Both these books had ways of doing the same thing; giving me a literary device or approach that would permit adding a third-person view that could deepen the portrait of the main character without having him rattle off a stream of angst that would not only be boring to the reader but take the fun out of writing the book. That first-person internal thing has been done for decades and these days often veers into shtick.

I've mentioned in past blogs that some of the episodes in my book would switch back and forth between first and third person. These two books were a clinic for filling out a person's portrait without resorting to long descriptions. In a way, it's almost like how the camera in a movie can move from shot to shot, yet it creates a single image in the viewer's mind.

We'll see how I pull it off in my book. If it doesn't work, don't blame Robert Graves or Boswell; they knew what they were doing.

- Al Handa

On to the reprint of episode one of On The Road With Al &Ivy: The Novel (Book 1). I'll probably give it a title by the official launch in January 2023.

Intro to Episode One:

Steinbeck found that the relationship with his dog Charley deepened and even allowed for some of the interaction to be self-dialogue, a friendship that grew deeper.

The same happened with my dog Ivy. For example, my concern for her welfare overrode my discouragement one day when I ended up at a Psychiatric Emergency facility. I was eager to accept the 30-day hold, to finally get good sleep and meds and have a respite from the homeless life. It was a seductive thought.

I remember the day it was around 10 am when the papers to sign for the voluntary hold was put before me. I mentioned that in 30 minutes, the shade would move, and I needed to get Ivy out of the car before then. I was told it would be the doctor's decision and that it might take hours.

The counselor was as uncomfortable as I was about the situation and suggested I take care of it before signing. However, once I got to the car, I realized that whatever happened, it would have to be with the both of us, and I drove off. 

As fate would have it, the shock of realizing that I almost abandoned Ivy in the car cleared my head, and a temporary solution came to mind that worked. That's in book 2, which also has a prequel that runs alongside the main narrative and explains the level of friendship depicted in book 2.

The incident at Psychiatric Emergency was the abyss, and my friendship with Ivy kept me from jumping in. I think most who own a beloved pet would understand. Admittance meant a 30-day hold and complete control by the doctor and facility. It's a serious matter, and the book passages should make a person think twice before advocating involuntary holds. 

…crisis mode…

That idea or notion that in a crisis, that one has to choose to stay engaged in everyday life, even if it's difficult, is a concept covered in depth in all three books. Again, there's an array of characters who come to a crossroads and have to decide whether to head toward life or death. 

That may sound dramatic but for example, a decision to dull the pain with drugs is a dangerous step in that environment, especially for a female, and nothing like just getting too stoned at a party. You'll see that all the book characters were on a path requiring desperate choices. 

The situations are described as dispassionately as possible. It's easy to judge or accept media labels of homeless being predominantly mentally ill or drug users. That's not what I found in my experience, but my task was to relate what I saw.

The novel format allows me to describe it in starker detail because I can fictionalize the people and hide their identities. I accept that my account can be characterized as a pure invention. 

… about the first episode… 

So, Episode One, which is called "Prelude And Arrival," opens with a short vignette about Ivy and me that illustrates our friendship and then moves into my arrival one night in Gilroy, California. 

The main character, obviously based on me, looks over the place as a homeless person who's had a few months of experience under his belt and thinks he's a pretty streetwise kind of guy.

The chapter establishes the character's personality, sets the scene, and gives an initial glimpse of his friendship with Ivy. Also, other characters are introduced.

Over the following chapters, it'll become clear that it was the calm before the storm. The time in Gilroy was a disaster and nearly condemned the main character to life as a "backpacker" who had to live on foot and would shortly lose all of his possessions and Ivy if that happened.

I consider it one of the best chapters and hope you'll enjoy reading it and continue on to the rest of the book.

- Al HANDA


Now live on Kindle Unlimited 













BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE DELTA SNAKE REVIEW ON THIS SAME SITE!





- Al Handa
   October 2022


The ebook “On The Road With Al & Ivy: The Anthology Volume 1 2016-2018 is now on Kindle Unlimited!

I’ll run free promotions later this month, but members can read it for free now.

I Can Make It To Christmas by Mark McGraw (of Handa-McGraw International). F IPlease check out and listen to Mark McGraw’s Christmas single from his album on Bandcamp,Can
Make It To Christmas by Mark McGraw (of Handa-McGraw Intern



Please check out and listen to my music on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music and other music sites. Please add any cuts you like to your playlists!




Friday, November 11, 2022

On The Road With Al And Ivy: A Literary Homeless Chronicle - Nov. 2022



"Please understand that a Homeric song is sung to the lyre, and therefore intended for entertainment, no more and no less."

- Robert Graves (Homer's Daughter)

Finding good music used to be a simple matter; you liked who or what the media told you to like (and buy). 

The power to make or break an artist or record was jealously guarded by gatekeepers because with payola, the promotion business could be as profitable as a casino.

The internet gave a voice to millions of people whose opinions and tastes had been muted by gateways such as letters to the editor sections or radio request lines (which waited till somebody asked for a number on the playlist.

The social networks (and Google) have created a situation that's turned many media outlets into clickbait farms or Amazon partners working on commission. To be fair, the media still has some power.

These new networks aren't to blame. The labels and movie studios want to reach actual customers, and while getting the occasional wretched ranking on Rotten Tomatoes can be a death sentence, being able to know what millions of people are thinking trumps knowledgeable critics and reviews every time.

Besides, those whose products get panned on social networks still can pay the media to invigorate efforts to sell that flopped. There are still plenty of crumbs that fall off the table to be had.

...indie labels...

One alternative that gave music outsiders a shot was indie labels which the industry always welcomes. It brings in fresh blood, and the newbies take on the expense and hassle of A&R, which allows major labels to poach proven talent and allows uncompromising artists to grow and move on greener pastures, and I mean green.

I should add, as I do in every blog, that many of the points being made are oversimplified for brevity's sake, so the countless number of exceptions are not noted.

...primary task...

The primary goal of a music article or review has never changed; it's to create engagement. If the people don't love what you do, then you settle for hate, as the entire middle ground between the extremes is the Snooze Zone.

"Nice" is for school plays and child dance recitals. The major leaguers are those who inspire worship or drive people to organize book or record burnings (not so easy in the digital media sector, thus the revival of expensive vinyl box sets).

The Critic or reporter who can inspire an audience to love a new artist's work is a rare bird. The rest have to settle for writing quickie hack articles to tap into trending subjects, create clickbait, inspire trolls to flood a site with traffic, and lure readers into pages with pop-up ads and deceptive scroll buttons that effectively utilize the successful principles of fly paper and punji stick pits.

The best way to be mediocre is to write lists of the best or worse. A Top Ten list gives the writer ten chances instead of one to inspire love or hate and hopefully retain the readers' attention for longer than five seconds.

Long articles take time to write and, like a Tik Tok video, are unlikely to be read to the end. That's energy better spent on playing video games or trolling other critics.

Music writers often write historical pieces that use recordings as references or milestones, which can lead to inaccuracies or flat-out wrong observations or conclusions.

...the first...

Thus "the first" this or that is actually "the first recorded," which is a different thing, but the point is to sell records, not memories.

The music industry is, and always has been, a business, and stretching or hiding the truth to sell a record is well within the boundaries of acceptable practice. But, like with politicians, a flashy show of virtue suffices.

Record labels generally sign established live draw artists, which means they are actually late to the party on the latest trends. Again, catching the "latest thing" in its infancy is overrated; the industry wants an audience ready to buy. 

Plus, you can always claim that the product is prescient and revolutionary in press releases. No one will fact-check that sort of claim, even if two hundred artists claim to be the Godfather of Punk.

In the spirit of innovation, here is the Top Ten List Of Musical Firsts!

Note: The items are not in any particular order. These milestones are presented in the order that occurred to me while riffing on the theme.

1. The First Jazz Improvisor

The first was some guy thousands of years ago trying to figure out how to play the melody of a folk tune that the audience requested, which they hummed out of tune to try and give him an idea of what to play.

The first recorded instance was Louis Armstrong playing with The King Oliver Band in the 20s or thereabouts. I'll have to look it up later.

In the interests of being relevant to Baby Boomers, I'll join the huge crowd of internet reviewers who credit the Beatles with the invention of jazz.

2. The Rise Of Albums As The Ultimate Form Of Music Expression.

The album format, or a related group of songs as one work, was actually common in the early classical era. The works of Bach, for example, were sets of music set to the various dances of the time and intended to be guides for musicians to improvise.

The first album in musical history was by Emile Berliner in 1889.

In the interest of being relevant to the Punk Rock demographic to promote my Vella book, The Quitters, I'll concur with the multitude of commentators who cite Ramones' debut disc as the first album in musical history.

3. The First Symphony

Joseph Haydn is the composer most often credited with creating the Symphony form. Unfortunately, the technical explanation involves a lot of arcane languages and musical mansplaining, so we'll skip it.

Britannica.com cites the first recorded symphony as Beethoven's Fifth and Sixth Symphonies in 1913. Unfortunately, there's no mention of cover art.

In the interest of retaining the attention of millennials, I launch my sailboat into the mighty river of consensus that cites Blink-182's first album as the birthplace of the classical symphony form.

4. The First Female Rock Star

Women have always been famous in pop, classical, and other forms. However, the hip-rock crowd has always been resistant to female stars.

The first female rock Star, or as old farts know the term was probably Janis Joplin or Grace Slick.

In the interest of speaking only sooth, no matter the consequences, I stand with Gen-X historians that Pink or Olivia Newton-John was the first. However, in the interests of balance, I note that a vocal segment claims that AC/DC deserves the honor.

5. The First Rock Magazine

The New York Times cited "Crawdaddy" in 1966 as the first, though Billboard was first published in 1894. As the first rockers were African American, the history is probably incomplete.

However, this blogger wishes to give a voice to the neglected males who have become alienated by the confusing diversity of music and will list Playboy Magazine as the first rock publication, with Sports Illustrated as a close second.

6. The First Music Critic 

I refer you to the earlier blog entry that definitively covers the history of critics.

However, to please those who prefer a shorter statement that gets right to the point, this blog cites that the first music critics were the Committee that ran the French Revolution and sent many people to the guillotine. 

Though no specific names come up, one has to suppose that there must have been a few musical artists among the unfortunate beheaded that, like today, deserved the ultimate punishment for making disco or banjo music.

7. First Rock Opera

The idea of combining rock and opera is an old concept. One could cite Beethoven's Ninth or Wagner's operas as the first fusions of rock-level volume and power combined with really high-pitched singing.

The first rock Opera was "S.F. Sorrow" by the English rock group Pretty Things, and later on, the Who's Tommy, whose composer was good buddies with the rock press and thus was credited as the first.

Since opera is old people's music, it's fitting to once again credit the Beatles with creating the Rock Opera that made the most money.

Honorable mention is Richard Harris' 60s hit, "MacArthur Park," though its authenticity as a rock Opera needs to be confirmed by someone who's been able to listen to the song all the way to the end.

8. The First Lame Song

No one needs to be given examples. Everyone knows of one.

I do not shrink from the difficult questions of our troubled times and amplify the growing voices that shout from the rooftops that since the Beatles were the first at everything, they created the first lame song. "When I'm Sixty-Four" comes to mind as a good example.

9. The First Heavy Metal Artist

The Godfather of Metal was probably born in medieval times and, like today's leather and spandex crowd, didn't live long after singing about Satan in front of shocked crowds and members of the Inquisition.

The first recorded metal song is thought to be Link Wray's "Rumble," though others cite Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild," which sang of 'Heavy Metal Thunder."

The term has become meaningless as with other such words like "legendary" and "Godfather Of Punk" due to overuse, so it's time to invigorate the debate by stating that Taylor Swift is the singer who recorded the first metal song with her headbanging boogie, "Style."

10. The First Punk Song

Wearing torn clothes, bad hair, and chains probably go back to ancient Rome, as the description fits those who fed to the King of Beasts in the Colosseum.

In terms of recordings, the first Punk Song is said to be "Blitzkrieg Bop" by the Ramones if you live in NYC; otherwise, everybody's got an opinion.

However, Lester Bangs,  the legendary rock critic, once said that a real punk song has to be offensive to even the hip, so he cited the music of the Carpenters as the ultimate Punk.

Though such pop music would certainly incite people to anarchy and violence, the obvious choices for the first Punk song are Jethro Tull's 'Aqualung," Elvis' "Love Me Tender," or Tammy Wynette's "Stand By Your Man," all of which have been documented as tunes that glorified violent tendencies, immoral behavior, and in the case of the last song, induced frigidity in women born after 1980.

Afterword: This blogger acknowledges that this top ten list won't be considered definitive but is pleased that this format only requires minimal creativity and effort. 

He eagerly looks forward to enlightening readers and beefing up the word count in future blog entries with more top-ten lists.




"When I first tried to write, I had nothing to write about except a few paltry experiences which I neither understood nor appreciated. But I had no thoughts. I really didn't. I didn't even have the words with which to think. My experiences were so many meaningless pictures. But as I began to add to my knowledge and to my vocabulary, I saw something more in my experiences than mere pictures. I retained the pictures, and I found their interpretation. That was when I began to do good work..."

- Jack London (Martin Eden)

The 1942 biopic "Jack London" was a low-budget film that depicted important events in the life of one of the most popular and financially successful writers of his time.

The first hour of this 90-minute picture covers his early days as an Oyster Pirate, seaman, and gold prospector in the Yukon Gold Rush in a series of short vignettes.

One of his most exciting periods, his Yukon days, gets short shrift with a couple of short vignettes; the usual rowdy saloon scene and one where he talks to a dog about writing Call Of The Wild in a snowed-in cabin. 

Yes, we all talk to dogs, but I was expecting something a little grander.

The last half hour is the most extended segment, which documents his days as a war correspondent covering the Russo-Japanese War in 1904, where London uncovers and exposes the "Yellow Peril" and Japan's ambition to conquer the White Race.

Though later reviewers (not all, but most) have labeled it as racist and wartime propaganda, the truth is that part of the film is probably a fairly accurate portrait of the famous author who was openly racist and anti-Asian (though he did express some regret about that aspect later in life). The film wasn't seen that way in 1942 but was part of a patriotic rallying around the flag in the early days of World War 2.

What's interesting is what Hollywood didn't show, which was that London was a Socialist. But, of course, in terms of wartime propaganda, there was no reason to leave that out, as Russia was technically an ally in W.W. 2.

It's not a surprise. Hollywood films about Socialists are rare, mainly because the industry is as committed to capitalism as the 18th Century Buccaneers sailing the Spanish Main. So London's idealism is dressed up as good old American populism.

There's no point in treating the movie as an outlier or a precautionary fable about racism or injustice. There were plenty of films from the era with the same variety of negative stereotypes, and many of today's movies will probably be judged similarly fifty or a hundred years from now. 

The London film was seen at the time as a patriotic work, with the characters representing average Americans. Now it's a gallery of stereotypes and superior white males. 

Times change, and so do attitudes, sort of. Many of the groundbreaking films of the 60s, for example, have undergone reevaluation by later generations and are seen as the same old themes dressed up in relevance or whatever would inspire an audience will buy a ticket.

The idea that movies have evolved and express more enlightened attitudes is sorta maybe kinda true, though the basic archetypes haven't changed much.

I won't go into all the details about the cast or film trivia because the movie wasn't that good and only recommended if you're studying sociological attitudes in Hollywood film history or are a Jack London completist. However, it's free on some movie sites if you're interested.

There were two things about the movie that did strike me as remarkable.

One that a writer was the hero. That's pretty rare.

Secondly, the film was set in an era when aspiring to be a writer had a mystique, that many of the rough and tumble anti-intellectual tough guys in the film saw it as a higher aim.

That aura isn't as strong now, like when you read the occasional snarky remarks about indie writers in the media, which is understandable. The press used to have the power to make or break stars, and thanks to social media, many news sites have been reduced to being amplifiers and Amazon Partners trying to get people to click on ads for a small commission.

Jack London was a man of action-type stud who, both in the movie and in real life, saw writing as a way to escape the limited options that an uneducated man had and the key to the kind of life he dreamed of having. Of course, his outlook was more complicated than that; of course, everyone's is, but that's a good way to describe it.

That's why London's works were in my reading rotation out there in the car in 2016. It wasn't that his tales of survival held the key to changing my situation; it was the idea that the intellect, in his case, developed through writing, was a path to a better place or position.

His rough-and-tumble adventure stories expressed a conviction that the primary life force was atavistic and that even the strongest end up giving way to some more potent force. 

In other words, he believed that while life is a repeating cycle of birth, growth, decay, then death, being a writer gave him a way to rise above that or at least gain a little more control over destiny.

...tell it like it is...

I entered the homeless life as a former CAD Designer who believed in the Silicon Valley mythos and the power of music but exited as a committed writer.

The reason is that in terms of saving my sanity and self-esteem, writing wasn't just an identity. It's one of the few professions where a person can train themselves without having to go to school to be certified—very few literary legends I admire finished college.

Even the poorest person can write; thanks to the internet, there are no gatekeepers. So you can try and fail, get up and keep going and try to get better.

There are some early scenes in the movie where London is sitting in a bar full of rowdies, just writing away and observing all that's happening around him. 

That's not some theatrical device like in a musical where the musician composes a hit song in one try. The sight of people observing, learning, and writing is common in coffee houses and libraries. It's a reality, a real thing, a part of the process.



...on the road...

One of the things you'll see when reading "On The Road With Al & Ivy: Volume One Anthology" is that many of the entries are about external things and events, not just my feelings and emotions. It wasn't a case of trying to ignore or distance myself from the often dire situations I found myself in.

It was about developing the power of observation, to see what was in front of me as opposed to always relating everything to how I was feeling. That balance (or juggling act) will differ for each person and can even shift according to the situation. I can't tell you how to see things and write about them. That's up to you.

A good example in the book in January is in the early chapters. I suddenly found myself in the middle of a chaotic police dragnet. My reaction was due to a combination of experience, fighting off panic, observing what was happening, and acting accordingly. It's not a stretch to say that good writing habits of observation and perception helped.

...the true situation...

By the time the blog became about my true situation (after a period of denial where I had pretended it was an adventure), I had looked over my options, and while continuing due diligence on job finding, etc., decided that while writing probably wouldn't lead to economic salvation, it certainly held the key to surviving the homeless life with my sanity and self-esteem intact. 

I don't pretend in the novel that writing was a golden ticket out or that it produced a miracle in the classic sense of the word. It did save my life, self-esteem, and sanity.

When I wrote about my real life, the blog readership increased dramatically. I was used to having a total yearly audience of around 170,000 for my earlier ePinion.com instrument reviews. The blog hit that number in just a few months.

Moreover, the blog readers gave me enough donations to keep my car running, eat decent food and cover some critical bills. That was an indirect result of choosing the writer's path but as cherished and valued as any payment from a publisher.

...the path...

Choosing a writing path is also a discipline. Staying an observer kept my attention on the world around me. It became apparent that some of the romantic or mythical ways of surviving on the streets, like becoming a criminal or drug user, would complete the destruction of my life, just as Jack London decided as a young man not to continue being an Oyster Pirate.

For example, adhering to a discipline meant never trying meth, drinking booze, or accepting even a single toke from a joint offered by fellow homeless. There were times I was tempted, of course, but I saw to know where it'd get you.

That's not a moral statement. I understood the appeal of crime or drug use out there and rarely judged it (except for trafficking).

It was a realistic view; if you observed the surroundings, it was obvious that we were under constant scrutiny. Those guys offering me a hit of a joint were under parking lot cameras, and more than a few passersby would call the cops on any visible drug use by the homeless. 

There was also visible and undercover surveillance from cops and citizen vigilantes.

... decisions...

I had to decide what to write about based on the situation at the time. Citizen crusaders called the cops on me a couple of times in one city. An arrest would have seriously hindered my goal of "getting out," but luckily, both times, the police took the trouble to question me and determined that the accusations were false. 

I decided not to document those incidents out of respect for the police there, as they had a reputation as a reasonable and fair force with the homeless. They couldn't ignore a complaint.

Plus, it was a good idea to avoid confrontation with the "respectable" vigilantes, one of whom was obviously mentally ill and willing to engage in physical harassment.

The battles remained part of a private war that didn't make the papers or the blog but will be in my novel (as it's a work of fiction, and I can change the identity of the parties involved).

Who this or that person is or was isn't essential; deeper truths about behavior and society are best addressed in a novel (things that can't be literally described in a nonfiction book for legal reasons).

...bigger issues...

Being a writer helps you understand the bigger issues. For example, I could see that a rough and tumble life without a higher goal led nowhere. There's an old saying that nature punishes stupidity, and it's true. Acting impulsively or without thinking almost always leads to some problems or trouble.

Seeing how street toughs often reacted to being homeless was sad and instructive. They were among the quickest to strike out, become predatory, inflict shame on themselves, or if with a female, become parasitic or abusive.

That is unless that energy and strength were guided by intelligence. Hollywood movies are full of street toughs who become slick predators to survive. In real life, those guys are hounded by the police, spend a lot of time in jail, and are doomed to be street lifers.

There'll be both intelligent and dumb types in the novel. There's one who led a low-level crew that trafficked everything from drugs to EBT cards and another who started off trying to be a slick con artist but was able to reverse course and choose the smart way out. 

...back to London...

I'm sure London saw the same things; Strong brawlers, adventurers, winners, and losers. But, after living with them (and admiring them), he also noticed that they were stuck in a cycle that could only spiral downwards. 

I was homeless for 13 months, long enough to see some strong people devolve into addicts and petty criminals because they couldn't see past a life that only seemed manageable with drugs or predatory behavior.

The creation and writing process might not immediately lead to success, but most of us will be helped or run across an opportunity. The state you're in when that happens is essential. You have a good chance of missing the opening life offers if stoned off your ass or in jail.

I wrote about my life as best I could and am still learning how. However, writing did the same thing for me as Jack London, a choice that led to a better life. 

...help and discipline...

My blog writing was good enough to move people to help, and the discipline kept me in a place so that when the hands reached out, I could see it and take advantage of the generosity and help. In other words, try to stay worthy of help.

I can't say that the Jack London pic was an inspiration or even a good movie, but it did remind me why London was one of the writers I admire; he was living proof that writing can save a life, and after surviving homelessness, I know he was right.

- Al Handa
   October 2022



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The ebook “On The Road With Al & Ivy: The Anthology Volume 1 2016-2018 is now on Kindle Unlimited!

I’ll run free promotions later this month, but members can read it for free now.



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Tuesday, October 18, 2022

On The Road With Al And Ivy: A Literary Homeless Chronicle - Oct. 2022



“She is herself like an angel in revolt. On the judgment of these men, whose eyes are constantly on their superiors or staring at the floor, Jeanne expiates the crime of plain-speaking and of looking straight into the eyes of her adversaries.”

- The Trial Of Jeanne D’Arc (W.P. Barrett translation from the original Latin and French documents)

The origins of legends about witches and black cats were shrouded in mystery until 123,456 A.D. when the late Professor Ivy Of 'Shitzu U' began groundbreaking studies which unearthed heretofore suppressed Gospels from the early days of Christianity, known today by historians as "The Bro Club Age Of Enlightenment." 

"It was difficult to ascertain from historical accounts exactly when witches and black cats became besties, much less if women even existed," the Fluffy White Martyr For The Sacred Feminine stated in her 1986 book, Black Cats Are A-Holes, "Ancient historical accounts rarely mention females unless a famous dude became embroiled in a divorce, which was forbidden until Pope Grouchy McAllister III of the now defunct Middle Finger At Satan Church issued a Papal Edict in 12345 A.D. that stated, 'Divorce is now allowed as long as the sinful Jezebel is excommunicated beforehand and proper payment to the Pontiff made.'"

Imagine the shock the Good Professor experienced when discovering that witches had existed long before that term became common!

It was found that in the early dawn of the written word, in the ancient Egyptian chronicle, "To Jest Fikcja," the word to describe a female who was beautiful, smart, sassy, cute, and didn't put up with any man's shit, who naturally was Queen Khleopahtra, was accidentally changed from the "B Word" to the word "witch" by the autocorrect software at the time and the substitution of the letter W for B went unnoticed by male editors too busy looking at porn sites.

The Waggy Tailed Student Of History was able to confirm this aromatic fact by having a well-known Hacker (who chose to stay anonymous due to Federal warrants issued for his arrest) study the Egyptian autocorrect software, who confirmed that it is still in use today without changes to the algorithm and still consistently changes any term for a female to the word "witch," though "feminist man-hater" and "castrator" also appear to be common substitutions.

It goes without saying that the Shitzu Sage needed more proof!

Professor Ivy noted in her controversial book, Black Cats Created The Plague, that "The specious claim that witches and black cats team up to create evil spells and frustrate man's desire to achieve a life of casual sex and free sports cable needed to be confirmed by documentary sources written by women, who alone know what they think."

Men had given up any attempt to understand such matters after the edict by Pope Grouchy McAllister III in 567,890 A.D., which stated, "Qui quid femina cogitat!"

It took a whole ten minutes of Web surfing that was constantly interrupted by targeted pop-up ads that pitched gourmet dog food recipes and sundry chew toys, but Professor Ivy found several conspiracy theory sites that carried a multitude of conflicting versions of the infamous Lost Gospels Of Murgatroyd (now a book on Vella, first three chapters will be free) which purport to contain ancient accounts by women about the origins of the super duper friendship between witches and black kitties.

The Barking Bluestocking uncovered a monograph that escaped the torch by male inquisitors because it was written in woman code (using words longer than four letters) in an ancient Egyptian Celebrity cookbook written in 123,456 B.C. by Queen Khleopahtra called "Delicious Gluten Free Poison Recipes To Serve to Low-Down Adulterers."

The key phrase in that incendiary papyrus work was "Anī woman hǒu actſ lǒve ain man intransiciọ̄n  brandede ain witch a'd hē̆r kittī ain familiar in leaguæ with Satan."

In the Canine Pundit's 1965 work, "Cats Like To Scratch People's Feet," she loosely translates that phrase to read; "When men are off on important business like commiting adultery or fighting wars for profit, the fairer sex will be tempted spend their idle time engaging in mischievous dalliances with saucy Black Cats who are in league with Satan."

Earth-shaking words indeed!

The question remains: In spite of the fulfilling Godly pleasures of housework, doing laundry by hand, washing dishes, preparing meals from scratch, taking care of the kids, and putting up with narcissists (back then called "Knights in shining armor"), why did some women instead choose to join up with black cats to cast spells for Beezelbub?

In Chapter 14, paragraph 666 of The Lost Gospels Of Murgatroyd, the answer to that burning question was answered in the parable titled "The War Between Good And Evil," in which Pope Grouchy McAllister III engaged The Naughty Beast in a literary debate to convince women to pursue the path of virtue and unquestioning obedience to men.

The Macho Pontiff stated the case for femme subservience as "We dudes value the efforts of our female associates and strive to foster a safe and nurturing environment for servitude. The ultimate reward of Heaven awaits those of the fairer sex who put up with male promiscuity and sublimate their frustrations into expert work on the spinning wheel and kitchen craft. Needless to say, it's critical to start indoctrinating  them at an early age or else they'll act friskier than men when they hit puberty."

The Defiant Rebel Against Goodness was said to have retorted, "I promise women that they may exchange hell on earth for hell later, and until then can cavort around like dudes do, have sex any time with anybody, fly through the air, wear fashionable black clothing and boots, listen to heavy metal and Industrial Dance, eat anything you want without worrying about getting fat, and cast evil spells on any narcissistic dude who gives you crap."

The Master Of Evil added, "All I ask is that you adopt a black kitty because there's a surplus in the shelters due to men thinking they're my servants, which is true, but they're cute and deserve love as much as any dog."

Professor Ivy relates in her 1456 book, "Black Cats Fart In Your Face When You're Asleep," that "Women found the best choice was obvious, but the Sore Loser Cardinal Of Tiber issued an edict that "All women who choose to blow off the comforts of food preparation and become witches will be treated to an extreme tanning session at the stake with front row seats available for $1,000 at showtime. The church accepts cash, credit or PayPal."

The Lost Gospels relate that "These high-temperature spectacles were only mildly popular at first due to competition with the more audience-friendly wars for loot and conquest, but really took off with the roasting of the first Superstar Witch, later known as Saint Joan Of Arc, who was turned into a s'more after she proved that 90% of the followers the English claimed in France were actually fake bots and purchased followers from a corrupt Cardinal in what was known as Normandy in 456,789 A.D."

Queen Khleopahtra's Sacred Feminine cookbook provides Historians with an accurate portrait of medieval witches, who are described as "Super foxy babes who flew on winged white horses, partied all night with their black cat buddies, didn't do dishes, slept ten hours a day, binge watched Outlander, wore hot black leather outfits with green hair, and did Industrial Dance videos on social media."

However, a 1345 A.D. manual issued by the Church under Pope Grouchy, called "How To Pick Up Sinful Wenches," describes witches as "Old, stinky, toothless crones who cackled while cooking bats in big black kettles, flew around on broomsticks, and cavorted with evil black cats who pooped on people's laundry piles."

This blogger passes on the results of this exhaustive research without comment; you've been given the facts about witches and black cats, and the decision on what to believe is up to you.


- Al Handa
   October 2022



Now live on Kindle Unlimited 








The ebook “On The Road With Al & Ivy: The Anthology Volume 1 2016-2018 is now on Kindle Unlimited!

I’ll run free promotions later this month, but members can read it for free now.



Please check out and listen to my music on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music and other music sites. Please add any cuts you like to your playlists!